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Depressed Military Spouse
jean2005 posted:
Hi, My retired military husband is very depressed. He doesn't want to do anything at all. No housework, yard work, no laundry, has no friends, no hobbies. He sleeps between 10-15 hours daily. He gets up to go to his part time job and comes home to go to bed. He wakes up in time to go to work again. If he doesn't work, then he sleeps in. He is seeing a a physiacrist and is on medication. They have tried to adjust the dosages and different other meds. He took a second part time job earlier this year. I said I would help him learn the functions. That was February. It's October and he doesn't retain any knowledge at all. Each time we go into the office, I have to re-explain the entire process to him. He acts like it is completely new to him each time. He doesn't take notes and doesn't remember what I tell him. It takes him 1 1/2 hours to do a couple of steps where it would take an average person to do in ten minutes. He watches TV in his free time, shows like the Military Channel, war shows, gory horror movies and the like. I suspect that he may have a drug problem too. He is prescribed codeine for restless legs. The script is for 1 month's supply (60 tablets). The prescription will only last about 10-14 days. He marks his calendar when to call the MD for a new prescription. During this 2 week time frame at the beginning of the prescription, he is incoherrent, falls asleep while eating dinner, is confused and exhausted. When the codeine supply runs out, he is awful, rude and very snappish. After 4/5 days, he then returns back to normal. Only to start this cycle again with the new prescription. I hide whatever pain meds that my doctor prescribes me for RA pain, because I found that he was helping himself to my meds. Not only do I have RA, I am also recovering from open heart surgery. I can't pace myself or properly take care of me when he is like this. I feel like he is dragging me down. Lately, I find myself feeling overwhelmed and thinking that I am dying. I feel isolated and exhausted. I do see a therapist for myself (I have seen her for years due to chronic depression and on meds). I feel like my days never end and I don't get any help from him. I hurt not only for him, but I am afraid that I may be also heading into a depression too. What to do?
itmatsb responded:
I am so sorry to hear about your husband's behavior, especially as you are recovering from open heart surgery. Could you go to a relative's or friend's home for a short time to get a break and get more help in your recovery? I really think that you need it.

How long has your husband been a problem? Hopefully, in time the psychiatriast will help your husband. And therapy on top of the doctor might also help your husband as was suggested above. Wish you the best.
jean2005 replied to itmatsb's response:
Hi itmatsb, I don't know if I can wait for significant progress from my husband's doctor. He does not tell her the truth. I just found out that he was taking medication that he was supposed to have stopped a month ago. Like I said, he does not follow directions well. I just spent the better part of an hour with him helping him set his alarm clock for a meeting tomorrow morning. Very frustrating to say the least. I truly need some me time without worrying about him. I suspected drepession symptoms for just about a year. He found a doctor and likes her. I just don't think that she knows the whole situation. The last time that he was like this, he was found waundering around a local highway. A good samaritan called the police and they brought him home. Not that he knew who he was and where he lived. The police checked his wallet for that information. An ambulance was called and off to the hospital he went. The ER doc thought that he was trying to commit suicide. My husband insisted that he wasn't. We went home and I accompanied him to the his MD. She had no idea that he was like this at all. So it's been a rocky road for a awhile.
lexismom11 replied to jean2005's response:
You definitely need a break because you are recovering from major surgery. You don't need the stress that this situation is bringing on. At some point your husband has to take some responsibility for his own recovery. That can't happen if he is not being open and honest with his doctor. If she has no idea that some things are going on with him, how can she properly treat him. Your husband needs to realize that he has a lot more control over his health than he is taking on. Part of me wonders if he is just looking for someone to take care of him, otherwise I don't know what could be going on with him. It is possible that he has a drug problem and that is contributing to his inability to follow directions or retain information. Good luck and make sure you do things to take care of yourself.

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