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Sorry
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chez1 posted:
I am having a hard time of it just now, my relationship with my h is on the rocks - actually it is tipping over. My poor daughter has had a horrible experience, an adult family member has been very inappropriate towards her, she is safe and not been physically hurt but I hate that she has had to experience it.
I am stuck between a rock and hard place, I blame myself for all that has gone on and for letting my d be at risk. I am aware that its not my behaviours that have been wrong, I have not strayed from the marriage and I didn't act inappropriately towards my child but maybe this has all happened because I am depressed, maybe I am not on the ball enough to stop all this from happening, maybe I simply am not capable of protecting and saving all that is important to me.
If I can't protect what is most important to me, I am a failure as a mum, as a human. Yes I know I can not take on responsibility of others but I absolutely can take on my failures, and this failure makes me think and probably realise that I should take myself out of the situation to protect those around me, only by removing me will they be safe.
Again I am sorry, I am sorry for sharing my experience and I am sorry for my ongoing interference and inappropriateness here.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar
Reply
 
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Demons2011 responded:
Chez1, hey kid I'm so sorry to see all this is happening to you and your daughter. I'm also sorry to say, removing yourself is the depression talking. What little I see says you have been a good mom and a successful wife in more ways than one. I know you don't feel that way right now.

Not sure how you're interfering here or being inappropriate - I'll have to looked back at other posts you've made. I've never seen it in the past.

I think the guilt of the near experience your daughter had is effecting you so much right now. You're not thinking clearly and it is making me worry for your well being. I hope you'll take a moment to realize that as you say your daughter hasn't been hurt physically and that in some way you may have helped prevent it from happening.

Just know you're cared about and there are hugs and caring thoughts on there way to you and your daughter on the wings of an guardian angel to protect you both.
 
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deasertrose responded:
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time and you are not interfering or inappropriate. Sometime when you're depressed you can't take on this. You can't be a hundred percent. Shot I'm not even close to 50 percent. I want to die too cause I tired of people not caring and taking so many meds. I'm sorry about your daughter too. When I was 8 till I was 18 I was sexually abused. My mother had no idea what so ever. I blame myself cause I didn't make it stop. He would tell me if I told anyone I would get hurt so I believed him. I don't know how my mother didn't know. My other brothers knew. I'm sorry we didn't have group this week and I really needed to go.I don't know what to say to help you. Do you go to therapy? May be that might help. I missed therapy yesterday too. I was suppose to get on an airplane Tuesday but the hurricane messed that up. I get to go tomorrow and noe I have to tell my boss I won't be able to work on Sun. orMon. I'm scared of authorative figures. So that goes for about eveybody in my life. I'm stupid, ugly, fat, I can't figure things out on my own I alwasy have to have somebody show me. I'm sorry for going off there I'm suppose to be helping you. Write me back if anything I said helped. If not that's ok I not worth it anyway.
 
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chez1 replied to Demons2011's response:
Hi D, thank you. I know my head is spinning and that maybe some of what I have written doesn't make sense but you know I spend my life trying not to hurt people but no matter what I do I appear to do just that very well.
As for interfering here, I am highly opinionated, respond to posts that I am absolutely not qualified to do so.
Thank you for caring and thanks for the hugs, I so need them just now, I am struggling to accept kindness but a hug - I will take anytime. And the angel I will take to protect my baby


So now that I have taken up your time, how are you? I have been thinking about you and missing your posts. I hope that your alternative therapies are working for you and delighted to hear that Skype is working for you xx
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar
 
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Demons2011 replied to chez1's response:
Chez, I am so delighted to see your here right now. I wish I could say I am doing better, not the case. Kind of hiding out in my work right now, the more hours the better. Exhaustion seems to keep out of the dark. Mood swings are pretty strong at the moment. I can't think of a time where they have been so extreme like with in the hour.
 
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chez1 replied to deasertrose's response:
Hi deasertrose
Thank you so much for responding, I am so aware you have so much on your plate at the moment, I have just responded to your post about your flight.
I can not thank you enough about sharing about your past experiences, I know my d has not been subjected to that level but still - it is enough....
Thankfully she has agreed to speak to an independent person and I hope she gets the opportunity to explore what has happened to her and around her.
I do see a counsellor (way to frequently) and have a very supportive dr, so I should stop my moaning and learn to grow up
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar
 
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chez1 replied to Demons2011's response:
Thank you D,
you know hiding out is quite normal behaviour!!! Are you managing to sleep? Are you still making effort on the vitamins and stuff? How is your son?
I am absolutely on the same page as you with regards the mood swings, all I can say is I am thankful I am not always in company!!!
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar
 
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Demons2011 replied to chez1's response:
Getting sleep via exhaustion, can't just lay down and go to sleep. I have been working from 6AM to around 9pm so I can sleep. Sometimes so very tired, so very tired.

Son is doing Ok, going to school, studies - work. He doesn't get much rest.
 
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chez1 replied to Demons2011's response:
sure he is young enough that rest is not important. I remember my younger days when I was in work by 8 in the morning and often did not leave until after 2 am and I had a over half hour drive to get home (during the night with no traffic, plenty of it in the mornning sadly) but I think that gave me a good work ethos. Sure at that time of life, I went out five nights a week, sponged off my folks for two days, drove and paid for a car on minimal wage.
The difference now D is - sorry to say, we are older and I know for me work is an avoidance, it is only place I have that is safe, safe from the negative, tormenting thoughts, safe from making stupid decisions.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar
 
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Demons2011 replied to chez1's response:
True, work is the only safe place I have. Being alone in a throng, hurts as well. Don't feel I can open up and show what's going on inside, no one to confide in except here. Here is better than the padded room, cause that's where I feel I belong. Protected from self.
 
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chez1 replied to Demons2011's response:
you and me both - so maybe we should make a conscious effort to stay on here to stop that happening.
On that note, I need to try and get some sleep, otherwise I will be meeting myself as I get up.
Demons, thank you for being there for me through thick and thin, I so appreciate your company and support.
Please take care and sending you hugs from a very cold Scotland so also including a hot water bottle - saying that you may prefer a hot toddy!!
xx
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar
 
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Demons2011 replied to chez1's response:
You and me need to hit the sheets is right. That doesn't sound right but you know what I mean. Sleep well and thanks for being here tonight.


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