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Anon_152804 posted:
Just when i think that my life could not possibly get any worse it does. My husband of 20 years passed away from a heart attack. he was in the last phases of a lung disease that he suffered with for 13 years. I am about 18 days after his death and i don't know what to do. Within the time of him being ill, i was his caregiver. in all of that time, i lost me. i don't know who I am. the one person that i could turn to to give me guidance and all the love i need is gone as well. my mom passed away about 9 months ago and just as i have began to put things in order, another tragedy comes my way. i sometimes wish i had died before both of them, then i wouldn't be dealing with this. but I am here, i am here with 2 children, i am a depressed person trying to walk a path to wellness. i see a psychiatrist who closely monitors my medication, i have a caring therapist who i see every week and i am a member of a support group that provides ongoing support. all of those things were for me dealing with all of the challenges of a sick mom and husband. so what about now. i have to work twice as hard now so that my two children have a normal life. but i don't feel as though i have a life right now. my life is in reverse ad I'm unsure of what to do to catch myself.
1nt3rnalc0mbu5t1on responded:

I am terribly sorry for your loses, dealing with those two events alone would be very taxing on a person, let alone with in a year. You have all the support around you, your therapist and your support group. You are allowed to greive and be sad, that is normal. Sadly dealing with depression isnt going to make this mountain any easier to climb. You need to be strong for yourself, while setting a great example for your children. Your allowed to cry and be vulnerable, anyone in your shoes, who didnt would be almost inhuman.

If I can share a personal story, that you might be able to relate too. When I was 9, my best friend and cousin, passed away, he was 10 years old. He was not expected to make it past 3. 6 months later, his father passed away from the same type of cold/flu. So my aunt had to deal with the loss of her ten year old son and then the loss of her husband. I know it had to be killing her inside, cause it was eatting me alive losing my best friend. But some how, she kept moving on, whether it was the grace of god or her inner will. She kept trying to move forward. Her inner strength and will is something that i still admire today...and she put it to good use when she battled breast cancer a couple years ago and WON!

Please understand that i am not trying to down play your tragedies or make a comparison, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. That horrible things do happen and they are able to be overcome. You just have to wake up(which coming from someone with depression, i know that can be a challenge all in itself) and take each day as it comes, it is truely a blessing. Because any moment could be our last.

My thoughts go out to you and your family.

Anon_152804 replied to 1nt3rnalc0mbu5t1on's response:
Thank you IC for your reply. I think the most i took from this is Wake Up! I have been in my comfort zone, the bed and i take my meds to put me to sleep. I guess to be fully awake is what i am afraid of.
Haylen_WebMD_Staff replied to Anon_152804's response:
(((HUGS))) to you Anon. I'm so, so sorry for your loss! I'm sending positive thoughts to you and your children during this time

I'm glad that "Wake Up!" spoke to you! I suggest standing up and making the bed. I know that sounds so trivial but it helps strengthen my resolve that I won't go back and lay down. (Being horizontal has never helped my depression)

I know it's hard to believe, but your head will clear and you can find YOU again! Here's a resource that has some info. Maybe you can get some good ideas (although you sound like you have a fantastic support system in place: Managing Your Grief - Home Treatment .

How old are your children? Are they still at home?

Please keep coming here for support!

dwashvp replied to Haylen_WebMD_Staff's response:
I have one teenager 15, and a 20 year old away in college

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