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Mariettac posted:
Why does no one talk about the advantages of having no feelings? I can turn them on around my children, and do, but other than that, why bother?
It's so much easier to not care, to not let anyone inside.
Yes, I am on effexor for depression, and it does work, to a certain extent. But I'm tired of trying..My 17 year old Asperger's son was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts last week, I need to be on- up ,cheerful understanding etc, for him and I am, no problem. His dad started a new job, and is mostly preoccupied with that. My partner just says I have no time for him, no support there, family is 2,000 miles away, old school, and has their own problems. So, it's me, myself & I. The less I care about no support, the better I feel. It gives me strength to realize I do not need anyone. What I started looking for were ways to make not caring easier, more of a habit, and I am having trouble with that.
So, if anyone has any helpful hints on how to make it easier,please let me know.
OhMyGod responded:
Hey Marie,
Wow, i really like this train of thought. Training oneself to not care so as not to get hurt. Hmmm. Interesting. Probably many of us do that unconsciously.
This indicates a Schizoid personality (am not a doctor - i just know it bcos. i am that type). And I have been using that very often and it really seems like a useful tool. But, it can also make us appear less sensitive to others feelings and rude. Sometimes, its our duty and in everyone's interest to acknowledge the other persons feelings. In case of kids, not acknowledging or responding can harm them. Dont u think there is a possibility that your numbness (consciously or unconsciously and justified for self protection) could have contributed in your son going through a tough time. Its only human to care.
Anyways, it has its own advantages esp. as a protection mechanism. I figured out that the best way to do that is to care about intangible things like work, deadline, some urgent but unnecessary task, building up a long to do list and running through completing it. Activity is a necessity and the mind needs to be attached to sumthing. Attching the mind to some task is better than to let it wander and end up worrying. Have had great success with avoiding feelings and confrontations. But the downside is that while the conscious mind can be trained and controlled, the sub conscious cant be. The fact that we are training sumthing to follow a certain pattern is proof enuff that its not the actual thing. And while this may be a short term solution, it will eventually explode and grow to become sumthing unmanageable. The smart thing appears to be to engage oneself in urgent and intangible things like work AND at one's own pace confront the unpleasant feelings / acknowledge and address others peoples emotional needs at convenient times on a regular basis (usually by maintaining a journal or talking to a close trusted patient person).
I dont think it is possible to not feel anything at all since that is eqivalent to being dead. What is possible is to train oneself to create a conscious time gap between an event and our reaction to it so as to react more appropriately (the Vipassanna meditation technique is about this - look up on google).
All the best and I hope you use this power of numbness judiciously. With great power comes great responsibility.

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