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I have so many thoughts in my head.
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Gwendolynnariel_ posted:
Like the topic says, I have more thoughts in my head then I could even hope to contend with. This in itself isn't really a new development as I have been to therapy, on and off medication, and stayed in a psych ward for a week. I'm very aware how well changing your thoughts can really change the way you perceive things and how even if you don't believe it at first after repeating it eventually you do start to believe. I believe in this so much I have a tattoo on my forearm saying, "Change your thoughts, Change your world." So after getting my negative thoughts under control for the most part I thought I was free. Or as close to it as I could be. But recently I don't seem to be able to determine what is real and not real. I don't know how I really feel about things, how I should feel about things, or whether I'm just feeling or thinking things because thats what I'm suppose to do. It happens with everything, from my relationship, to my self image, to even being able to leave my home. The only thing that seems to work to keep my mind off of things are movies I've seen a million times like old Disney movies but that only gives me a few minutes relief until I'm assaulted with a tidal wave of crippling emotions and thoughts. If I knew what the right answer was then I would just repeat it to myself until I believed it. But theres always a voice in the back of my head saying what if, or no your wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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OhMyGod responded:
Hey Gwen,
Welcome to the Club. You are certainly not alone in this though it seems you have been thinking a lot about your thinking. I have been there and can completely relate to what you are going thru. Somedays, it appears that i dont have to do anything, my mind just picks up topics on its own, analyses its, looks at all sides of the situation and tires itself out without geting anywhere - like its on a treadmill. And the worse thing is all this happens during my waking life and without any active effort on my part - its like I have no free will. My theory is that this may be happening bcos. of suppressed thoughts or overwork which causes some sort of chemical imbalance which causes all the pent up emotions to explode. Its like - what I think about a lot during my daytime but am not able to do in real life, I end up doing in my dreams. Its like the mind has a mechanism to fulfill things in the dream world so as to relieve the built up pressure. When this starts happening during waking hours, it is worse bcos. you feel out of control. However, it is just the mind doing its job to relieve itself - in a way, its vomiting all the unpleasant thoughts that have been building up but we have been avoiding and pushing it under the burden of other things (including distractions like movies).
The advisable (and courageous) thing to do is to face the disturbing thoughts head on so that it blows up for sometime and then looses steam. I found that the best ways to do this is to either keep a journal to pour out everything that is going on in the head (which after sometime stops bcos. the cyclical nature gets halted when you commit it to paper where u can see it and acknowledge the problems presence) or to talk it out with an understanding, patient and trusted close person. Both things have the power to help us see things as they are rather than imagining them to be sumthing insurmountable.
I have particularly noted this problem is more with intelligent people having a great analytical mind. The mind can either be a servant or can become the master. Its upto you to let go of the control. The good part about having an intelligent mind is that when you do see things clearly getting out of the problem is much quicker. All the Best and am sure the next time you watch a disney movie, it will not be to escape from disturbing thoughts and trust me, it will be more enjoyable!


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