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His issues + My issues = Too many issues
Jeune1 posted:
Weekend before last my husband and I went to a company party. Earlier in the day he went out and came home about 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave. It took him more than hour to get ready because he didn't like any of his clothing choices. (So much for stereotypes about women!)

I should say I wasn't terribly surprised because he didn't really want to go and when he doesn't want to do something he becomes VERY inert. And I think, passive-aggressive. I can't say he doesn't care about his appearance and he cleans up pretty. But I keep hoping that maybe THIS time we won't go through the same pattern. He finally got dressed and after I assured him he looked great a few times (he did) I asked how I looked.

"Grunt. Fine."

So I could tell the evening was going to be fun right then. We went to leave and he asked if we were going to drive or take the train. When I suggested driving because there was valet parking he announced we'd either have to go through a car wash or he'd have to hose off the car.

So we took the train and got there a lot later than I wanted and he was very hungry and so cranky as a result. We wound up spending the time near the food when I really wanted to see the place where the party was held. Well, I couldn't get into a row with him in front of my co-workers and I was too tired to say anything after. That night I had a horrible dream in which I was trying to explain to him how much his behavior upset me and he just didn't care.

Now it is almost three weeks later and I'm STILL mad. It isn't just that I don't want to talk about it with him. I want to call this relationship off as a failed experiment and walk away. It just seems hopeless. We live in a huge city. I like to see it regularly. Sometimes I even like to get dressed up and go out. We used to do this more but now, unless it is a movie he wants to see or something outdoorsy he says "That isn't worth the money." "No, it will be too crowded." (Crowds make him dizzy and tired.) "No, that doesn't interest me." When I want to go out on my own he sulks, which makes me livid. In the almost 2 decades he's known me I have never been one to stay at home unless I feel wretched. Now I think he thinks I'm having an affair. Oh yes, me and the art museum are torrid lovers except when I'm sneaking off to get it on with the library. Nonsense.

Anyway, I'm just venting. I just can't imagine doing this for years and years and years. Sitting at home all day makes me feel useless and I have too much time to THINK. But I don't want to tell him "Honey I have to get out because I feel depressed," because that feels like emotional blackmail.


Thanks for listening.

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