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Paralyzed by my depression
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wiediesmom posted:
Just moved to a new state, lots of stress going on, and I can't get off the couch! I feel paralyzed! I have no motivation to unpack the boxes, or set up the house for my family. We have been here 3 months already. New docs are the hardest part. Need a psychologist and psychiatrist for my meds. I can't even bring myself to make a phone call to start the process. I don't even leave the house day after day. I'm already on so many meds for the depression, ADD, and mood, I can't imagine changing so I rationalize that there is nothing a doc can do. I do know better, but in this state? I'm sure you all can understand this. I wish someone could just give me a good doc you know? Can't talk to my husband and no friends, so feel very lonely and isolated.
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lexismom11 responded:
I can definitly understand where you are coming from. It is very difficult when you are dealing with a bad depression. You have to take it one step at a time. Set small goals for yourself like today I will put away some dishes. This does not mean you have to put away all the dishes in one shot. Take it slowly. Is there anyone in your family that can help you with putting some of the stuff away.

The phone call is an important step. Make that one of your goals one day. It may help give you the push you need to get the process going. You need to see a doc just in case they want to tweek your meds. I have been in a bad depression lately so I understand what it's like to not be able to get out of bed and do the things necessary to take care of my daughter. Hang in there.
 
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wiediesmom replied to lexismom11's response:
Thanks so much lexismom! Just having someone "get it" means alot. Reading back my post just now is making me cry. I can't beleive that's me. I sure sound screwed up when put to paper! I try to pass myself off as normal but seeing it written down is, WOW. That's good advice to make small goals. I know this in my head, Ive been here so many times. I guess I need to just keep plugging. I also have a 16 year old son that is an addict and the move has been a nightmare. Trying to make new friends I thought would be the best thing for him, but turns out, how do we trust him or these "new friends" when we don't even know who they are. At least before, we knew who the dealers were. So it's a combat zone around her to top it off. Oh, and he's failing sophmore year a second time. Definately contributing to my mood. So getting him squared away of course has come first. Mom is always last on the list right? I just want to crawl under the covers and never come out.
 
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HELPMEPLZ replied to wiediesmom's response:
hi ladies, Im new here to all of this..just made my first posting and "thought" I lost my whole darn story and was just about to toss laptop across the room and throw in the towel so to speak, when I noticed someone elses post and for some strange reason I felt the need to tell that person to basically hang in there..then I cracked up laughing!!! Like who the heck am I of all people to tell someone else to `keep trying``, I found myself laughing though for the very 1st time in sooo long!!!! Crazy I know!!! So anyways I thought hmmm mybe I will read another post, stumbled onto yours wiediemom-then to lexismoms response, so here I am !!! I can sooo relate to everything you`ve said wiediemom- I live a nonexisting life anymore, its insane!!! I cannot claim to know what it must be like to move though, unfortunately we want to move BUT I cannot bring myself to get our home in shape to bring realestate through. So I guess Im in your shoes, just at the other end of moving ha! My son too is an addict, not to any chemicals but to pot, but just the same he`s addicted and a high school drop out, AND is very depressed! A vicious cycle !!!! I too dread doctor appointments- when I have one coming up in a few weeks I start talking myself out of it, and become not just mentally ill but physically too, just the thought of dragging myself up to actually go out in public makes me ill !!! ONLY reason I do it is because I NEEED my medications !!! This feeling is insane, and I wish to God really I had never started with ANY meds, cuz I think they play a major role in everything!!!!! I could go on and on about everything in my life, thats happened since I was a child and sooo on, but will just leave it at this, just wanted to say I DO know how you`are feeling!!!! I have nooo friends, I pushed them all away a long time ago, and its insane cuz on 1 hand I feel alone but on other hand I would not want to do anything with a friend right now anyways!!!!
 
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wiediesmom replied to HELPMEPLZ's response:
Wow Helpmeplz, amazing the similarities to our stories huh? And the friend thing? Sooo true. I think that's why I have never had too many friends and never really any close ones. I seem to always come up with a reason not to go and do because I can't seem to get myself out there. I think in some ways I don't want to get better because it's comfortable and so familiar to be sitting at home alone. I sound so crazy don't I? Maybe the best advice for both of us is to get our meds tweaked. Maybe that will break the cycle. My daughter asked me why I play solitaire all day, isn't it boring? I said my brain just gets on a loop and I can't stop. I think that about sums it up!!


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