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    HELPMEPLZ posted:
    Hi, Im new here, I just joined! I have looked around the internet today in hopes of finding someone/anyone that feels alone like I do !?!? I have suffered soooo very long with depression, I have isolated myself and NEVER leave the house unless for doctor appointments and other must do outtings. I cry alllll the time, and feel so very alone in this world, I mean surely there cannot another person that feels exactly like I there??? Days turn into nights turn into days again; always just the same old same old!!! Each night I find myself saying in my head "tomorrow is going to be a different day, I am going to do this that and the other"..BUT every day I awake I start talking myself out of the things, OR I just cannot find the strength or desire to actually get up to do it, regardless if I want to-I neeed to, I just CANT do it!!! I have absolutely no friends anymore. Between isolating myself and having disagreements OR from having 2 wonderful close friends that have passed away, I just dont have anyone anymore to call a "real friend" other then my husband; and Im sure in time he will be gone to!!!! Who wouldnt run away from me?!?! I do NOTHING, have nothing to talk to anyone about, its a struggle just to make him anything to eat for supper, and anymore I find myself not even wanting to talk to him. I dont have anything possitive to talk about, so why even open my mouth. I dont know why we even have a phone line, its a waste of money, no one calls, and just as well because I cringe when the phone rings, just incase it might be someone wanting to come and visit, but instead its just telephone solicitors anyways! I dont want to continue living like this, its notttt fair to my husband or my 2 adult children!!!!I've given up on "hope for change"! None of my MANY medications have worked in pulling me out of this dark place-other then putting me to sleep or just numbing me!!! Ive been placed into a physc ward in hospital before, seen many doctors and therapists BUT nothing actually works fo me. I honestly dont even know why I am writing all of this, I know everyone else has problems and issues so who really would care to hear mine?!?! I dont know, maybe just maybe its a plea to see if someone out there feels like I do??? lives an nonexisting life like I do??? I doubt it though...Sincerely alone in my head !!!
    miredbutnotadmired responded:
    At least two things we have in common is I like you suffer from depression from so far back in my life it's hard to really be sure-I don't know if it really maters from when; more importantly is to know from what if you know what I mean. The other in common item is I am knew here. What I have done with my life is disappointing no more precisely: a joke, in how little I have accomplished for the good of myself not to mention for the good of my family. I do not earn much money and truly many immigrants surely are doing better with their lives. Talking with my wife is limited, she is angry with me mostly all the time and I do not blame her but I have convinced myself that I am powerless to change course. I keep working at jobs that are either scams/low wages/very part time, etc.
    It is not unusual for me to sit in my car with seat tilted back and just sleep with radio on in a depressed state of giving in to it.
    I have two teenage daughters I is at school away, the other experiences the tension/anger I have enflamed in my wife regularly. As to paying the rent, we barely make it with me asking friends for charity assistance like a beggar--this month it is really looking bleak to make the rent.I can go on however I will await your reply.
    deasertrose responded:
    I can say ditto to everything you have said. I don't eat or I eat alot. I don't shower and I even started sleeping in my cloths. I don't know sorry I don't have anything positive to say. I'm just a sad person.
    1J3nny1 responded:
    Mixed feelings when reading all this. You are not alone because i too feel the loneliness. I haven't been hospitalized and i probably have my husband and his family to thank for that. They keep me grounded i guess. Not sure how much my in-laws know but it it weren't for my husband who knows if i'd be alive or living on the streets or who knows. It sucks that i keep going into that dark place. An outsider (or even insider) looks at my life and it's pretty damn good. If only you could see inside my head, right?! I say mixed feelings because i noticed your children are grown. I have a one year old and think about how my depression will affect him. i think about how i should just disappear to avoid making him suffer. Of course i won't but when i become manic i think "will i end up disappearing when he's a teenager like my mother did...I should just do it now so my husband can find a normal wife". I just hope that i continue to seek treatment now that i have a son and see that my husband hasn't left me yet. So i guess my point is i feel so sad that you are going thru this pain cause i know how it feels and i feel so scared that my depression will never get better. so sorry...i don't think my post is helpful...

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