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Why shouldn't i take my life
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An_249000 posted:
[TRIGGER] I am a student in highschool who feels depressed. I know its the typical story but please read mine, I dont have the courage to tell any one else. My father died when I was 5 I then left my home town and moved a town over (not that far away). I kept in touch with some of my friends but as time went on we stopped talking. Since then I havent felt like i fit in at my highschool. I am over weight, social, but i am also considered annoying and weird. I used to smoke weed which connected me with friends (i am not depressed from not smoking). Eventually I said some stupid things that my friends thought were hilarious but i didnt i only had said them because i high. Soon alot of people heard stories about me from those "friends" while i was high. Soon eveyone knew them. I get ripped to my face by some and by others behind my back. I now feel like if im in the room and someone laughs while looking in my direction i assume they're talking about me. I have no secure friends anymore. I had one kid who was my best friend and now i realized he was my only friend in my town. I ditched him for the "popular" kids who now i feel like only like me because they have sympathy for me. I feel like they know how i feel and are nice to me because of that. Back to my best friend after i ditched him I felt bad and became friends with him again. I always noticed how weird he was but never cared, and still noticed this , but because i always knew he would want to hangout i stayed friends with him. He now is antisocial i dont even talk to him anymore. I dont know whats wrong but we didnt have type of relationship to ask eachother those sort of things. Recently some kids thought it would be funny to take an old profile picture off of facebook of me holding my cat, and photoshopped a lanyard they were selling for buisness class. They hadnt asked me if they could they just did. I know its something stupid to be upset about but even when someone likes or comments on my pictures i feel self concious and delete the comment. I dont know who did it but i cant take all of these things anymore. I've contemplated suicide for awhile, but just cant get my self to doing it. I have been researching painless ways to do it. I havent found one yet. I'm willing to endure pain (which i have a low tolerance for) to join my dad in heaven if there is one. I wouldnt take my life because of my loving family. I dont need to be on suicide watch or anything but I was hoping someone would say something to get those thoughts out of my mind, I cant change schools or move because i have 2 siblings who have lives here. So please someone give me a reason to live even though u dont know me, i dont want to take my life but I will if everything continues.
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff responded:
IT GETS BETTER! I promise you can move beyond this - high school can be the lowest point of a persons life and you have amazing years ahead of you.

Also, your story isn't typical - you lost your dad! That is unbelievably sad and stressful and awful. Do you have a close relationship with your mom? Please sit down with her and tell her how you are feeling and that you've reached out here for help. You can share the links below with her too.

I would like to point you to some crisis resources. If you feel that you are in danger of hurting yourself, please, please, please pick up the phone or communicate with another person "in real life" (aside from online). Click this link here or paste into your browser: "If you are thinking about suicide... Read this first" : and there are more numbers and links here: WebMD Crisis Resources

Next, delete that Facebook page! Social media is not good for one feeling vulnerable. I have to step away from my page when I'm having a bad day and it helps. Also, if anyone asks why, you don't owe them any reason. You'll have more time to pursue activities that make you feel good about yourself! I do hope you've ditched the weed too. (it sounds like you have, if so BRAVO! If not, let me know and I can provide you some resources.)

THANK YOU for posting here and giving me the opportunity to tell you what a brave and smart and caring person you are! You're a cat lover - you have to be!!!!!!!!!

Please post back to us so we know you are safe -

Haylen
 
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itmatsb responded:
Great comments for you above. You are being bullied. It's far too common these days. More and more schools are taking steps to try to stop it. So feel to reach out to others like suggested above. Don't let the bullies win by doing anything to hurt yourself. They are the lowly, immoral ones. So so sorry that you are going through this. But there are much better days ahead for you. In the meantime focus on activities at school that appeal to you or try to join activities outside your school. And do reach out to your loving family as you termed them. Many don't feel that they have a loving family. Maybe the bullies have terrible parents--there are a lot of those too. Social relationships come and go very quickly in high school, so don't put too much importance on the changing friends. Also you could ask to see a counselor at school. I believe all schools have them. Wish you the best.
 
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ifeelalone replied to Haylen_WebMD_Staff's response:
I am safe, thank you for the support I dont know if things will get better I have another 2 and a half years left in highschool. I can make it through but i cant come out with the truth. One i am too self concious to and I feel like i already get sympathy for losing my dad and everything. I will only get more sympathy and there for get more fake freinds who only hangout with sometimes when im around but dont make any other attempts other than that. I wont hurt my self but it will be tough making it through highschool. I wish i could get help from a therapist with out anyone knowing--including my family--i cant drive so i dont know how thats gonna be possible and even more of a problem--some where i can get it free. I dont want to talk to the school because then if they think it is "serious" they completely void the doctor patient confendiatly and tell the school and then my mom. Thanks again for the support atleast i know some people have heard my story. Thanks again.
 
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Jeune1 replied to ifeelalone's response:
Glad you're doing all right.In addition to this website there are a lot of online resources for people dealing with depression, including a group that peer support sessions throughout the week: http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=peer_OSG. I'd also encourage you to talk to someone at your school at about the bullying. You don't have to tell them how it makes you feel if you don't want to, but just make them aware what's going on.

The only thing I can add here is I've been exactly where you are only I think you're in a better position, mentally. I was and still am a nerd so I got bullied a LOT by students and the teachers. But you at least have some idea what's bothering you and why. I was just really unhappy. However, I can tell you how fantastic it was GRADUATE from high school. Knowing I didn't have to see a bunch of students and teachers who were just plain mean ever again was one of the best days of my life. I'm 44 and I swear when I'm having a really bad day I'll still think "At least I'm not in high school." And yes, I feel better.

So yeah, you can get through it. Please take care and keep checking back with us.
 
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ryry2143 responded:
An... I am a depressed high school student as well. There are people all around me yet I feel all alone. Suicide has more than crossed my mind once or twice.. but I haven't.. and I won't. My best friend thought he was alone, that no one cared if he died.. he killed himself one night after a fight between the two of us, and there isn't a minute of my life that I don't miss him. The only reason I am alive today is because I vowed to make him proud of me while he is in heaven, and I know that suicide is not the way to his acceptance. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that it isn't something your father would want of you either. My advice is to a) stop smoking pot.. not only because of the things you say but it also attracts the wrong people to you... b) write letters to your dad, I know it sounds corny and weird, but he will read over your shoulder from heaven... c) try to let people in your life - no matter how scary it is... d) don't die, because someone else will be asking why they shouldn't end their lives, and it'll be your turn to give them an answer.

-ryry


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