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Depressed Boyfriend is making me depressed.
An_249068 posted:
My boyfriend and I are both 23 years old. We've been together 6 years. My boyfriend is depressed. He has a bad temper and gets frustrated and mad very easily. He hates his job as a customer service rep, he has been at his job for 5 years, and within the last year he hates it. When he comes home he complains about his job, about money, about the way his clothes look, and a lot about what i do and/or dont do. He also attends college for welding, but he doesnt complain about that. For the most part, He is frequesntly negative, even if there is a lot to be positive about, and complains that things are not good enough. It's starting to ruin our relationship, of which we have an extreme amount of love for each other. Although he no longer tells me he loves me, and doesnt want sex very often at all. I am at loss of what to do. I've delt with depression my life and have battled it alone, and I feel as if i know how it feels and how to cope with it. I see no reason for his depression. I need help on how to deal with it or how to help him
Jeune1 responded:
Hi and welcome Sorry to hear you're going through this. I think it is good that you at least understand what depression is like.

You probably also understand that there may be no evident reason someone becomes depressed. As for dealing with it, do you mind if I ask if you're currently being treated? Sometimes setting an example can help. Or even "I'm going to therapy, would you like to come with me?"

I also wonder if you've talked to him about your depression? He may not know if he's depressed. He may suspect it and be ashamed to admit it but knowing you're in the same boat may encourage him to think about it and open up.
itmatsb responded:
It sounds like your boyfriend has problems beyond depression. He needs anger management and counseling to help his behavior. He may also suffer from depression, but there is nothing that you can do other than trying to get him to get anti-depressants as well as counseling. You also need counseling to deal with your poor self-esteem to be in such an abusive relationship. If you stay with him as he is, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
lexismom11 responded:
The best thing to do is to try and get him to talk to a doctor. Explaining that you know how it feels to be depressed may help him. He may feel alone even if he does know about your depression. That's all you can do. He has to want to change things in his life in order for treatment to work.

You mention he is in school. Maybe reminding him that things will not always be the way they are now will help. He will not always be a customer service rep and trying to go to school at the same time. This is an extremely stressful path and depression doesn't help matters. I spent my fair share of time working full time and going to school full time and I can understand that. It leaves very little time for other things that can be relaxing and take the stress away. Go

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