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I JUST WANT MY MISERABLE USELESS LIFE TO END.
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IWANTTHEPAINTOEND posted:
[TRIGGER] I am 43 years old and on SSI disability for depression. I have a few failed suicide attempts and have been on medication for depression for over 10 years. I am trying to find something in my life which would make me want to live. I rent a small room and have a few bills like car insurance, cell phone, and house bills like electricity and garbage. After I pay those I use the rest ofr my money to buy food. This accounts for the first two to three days of each month after I get my check which is around$1200 a month. The rest of the month is spent in bed due to my low back disk problem or just due to depression. Most of my friends have moved away from me as time has gone on and I cannot blame them one bit. I am miserable and in physical and emotional pain constantly. I have no real family to speak of. My mother could care less if I am alive or dead. My sister loves me and wants to help me but I feel guilty for being a burden on her. She has her own 13 year old son to take care of and a husband as well. I do not want to bring her down or cause problems for her. I have only a couple of friends left but they don't really understand how I feel or what I am going through.

My life has been one big mistake. I do not feel like I am even supposed to be here. I just want it all to end. I do have a belief in God and pray every night. Begging him to remove me from this place. And every morning to my horror, I wake up still here on this God forsaken planet.

So what is worth living for?
Reply
 
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff responded:
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! I'd like to point you towards some crisis resource links - please reach out off-line to keep yourself safe! Crisis Resource Information

There are phone numbers you can call to talk to someone immediately.

Also, I think you need to call the doctor that prescribes your medication and talk about an adjustment. Sometimes, a small change can make a big difference in how you are seeing the world.

Are you seeing a therapist?

Please check back in so we can get to know you better and point you towards some resources!

Haylen
 
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IWANTTHEPAINTOEND replied to Haylen_WebMD_Staff's response:
I am not in therapy because I am on SSI Disability and have Medicare so it seems no therapists accept medicare. That in itself is depressing because you would think people become therapists or psychologists to help people but they really want that $200 an hour. I live in San Jose, california if you know anyone who accepts medicare.
 
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bornagain216 replied to IWANTTHEPAINTOEND's response:
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time! My husband is on Medicare (he's disabled, too) and he gets therapy through Human Services. I just looked up Human Services in San Jose, CA and there were several different sites to go to. Please go to your search engine and look at the sites and maybe they'll list whether or not they accept medicare for therapy. You may have to make phone calls to find out that information. Don't give up! Keep trying till you get what you need. You're worth it!!!
 
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trees8 replied to bornagain216's response:
Listen to the post and please try to get your husband in maybe some activites he enjoys doing like playing cards or bingo with some friends or something.
 
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toniDen responded:
feel this way too. People say that this isn't normal, but why does it feel so normal? i could tell you all the stuff people say to do, but you know it already. i just feel that as long as your sister can get up everyday then so can you and if you can get up then so can i. Cause i don't give a s*** about stuff, but if i know you can make it through this awful world then so will I.
 
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jacobedward02 responded:
Find a guide for yourself, start by relaxing and breathing deeply, then visualize yourself in different scenarios.

Source: http://www.belmarrahealth.com


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