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4boys4me posted:
This is the first time I have ever posted anywhere like this before. I have suffered from depression on and off for my adult life. Recently, it has come to the point that my marriage was on the line, so I knew I needed help. I began seeing a therapist who was absolutely wonderful. I really connected to him and felt completely comfortable with him. I was finally able to share things I have never been able to share with anyone. I felt hope for the first time in a very, very long time. It seemed like I could be the person I always wanted to become. It truly seemed like this therapist cared about my situation.

After about 5 visits, I found out that my insurance would not pay for services. This is a community mental health clinic. I asked about a sliding fee scale, and was told that my husband makes too much money to qualify. I am a stay at home mom to my four children. The billing person told me I would have to pay $108 per session. There is no way we can afford to pay this. We have student loans, and our health insurance costs take a huge chunk out every month.

I was (and still am) completely devestated. I had shared all this information with my therapist, and now the wounds are so open and raw, and I have no idea how to bandage them up. I have never been able to cry (I always stuffed my emotions) but now I am a complete emotional basket case. I immediately wrote my therapist a letter, telling him of the situation. It has been three weeks, and he has not replied at all. This further devastes me, and I feel like why should I fight for my life when no one else cares either. Life just seems so incredibly painful. If it weren't for my four sons and the trauma they would have without me, I don't know if I could go on.

I guess I just needed to type this out. Thanks for listening.
Survivor2007 responded:
I am so sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. I am a community social worker and therapist.....and yes, I am just like everyone else, I deal with depression. I was recently let go from a community mental health clinic because I did not push my clients through the door fast enough...spent too much time with them. It broke my heart that the clients that I was in the middle of doing therapy with were literally cut off from me in one quick moment. I understand that you have written to your therapist, but there are legal and ethical reasons why the therapist is not able to write back or call. It is not that the person does not care, but is held by agency and state policies.
I know that coming here is a big step.....and you will find support and information. It is not the same as going to therapy, but it is definately better than not having an outlet to talk about how you are feeling. I hope that you have talked to your primary care physician and been able to consider some medication to help with the depression. Medication is not the answer, but it can be a life saving tool that can help you to get through until something can be worked out for you to get counseling.
Please continue to share how you are feeling. You might be surprized to find that you are stronger that you are giving yourself credit for. Be kind to yourself.
4boys4me replied to Survivor2007's response:
Thank you so much for responding! And thank you for explaining about the policies of community mental health and your experience with it. That helps me a lot!

I have not talked to my primary care physician about this. I live in a very small community, and I go to church with her. My husband holds a high level position within the community, so it is hard to want to let others in. These are just excuses though. I have been on medication before, and have had success with it. I was hoping to not have to do that. It did seem like the therapy would help me be happy long term, and not just cover it up temporarily like the medication did.

Again, thank you so much for responding. It meant a lot to me.
Survivor2007 replied to 4boys4me's response:
I also live in a very small community, a small mining town in the mountains of AZ. My husband and I are prominent members of our husband taught high school here for 23 years, and is head of the small community college art department. So, I do understand about hesitating to seek help in a small town. I know everyone who works in the community social work agencies.....and my husband was the high school teacher for a lot of the adults and kids. It definately made a challenge for me as a therapist, and I had to remove myself from several cases as I knew too much about the family or person, and their background.
You should be able to seek help from your physician with no concern regarding your privacy. There are laws called HIPPA laws that are very specific about your privacy and the confidentiality of your treatment, whether medical or other. I would discuss this with your doctor as it is a realistic concern on your part.
It is sad for me to hear you feel that medication is just a bandaid for your issues. Try to think of like someone with diabetes......they have to take medication to treat the disease, and also explore lifestyle changes to support the help that they are getting from the medication that they take. In your case, and mine....we take medication to help us with the disabling part of what we are dealing with, but also need to seek lifestyle changes to support what the medication is doing for us. Those changes may include exercise, meditation, pursuing our interests, and finding someone we can talk to. I am sure therapy would help you to deal with whatever your issues are from your past, but even a therapist would recommend that you take medication to help you.
I am glad that I was able to give you some information that provided some comfort and insight. Please continue to post....this may not be the same as therapy, but it is someplace to be able to talk that is anonymous. Again, be kind to yourself....
deasertrose responded:
there are alot of people who care. I care and I know there are plenty of others here that also care. I don't seem to be on here much but I read everyday. Mostly on my kindle but I can't respond on it for some unknown reason. I take medicine. I need it or I wouldn't be here today. I also have a therapist. Talking really helps and you can always call a hotline if you really need to talk to someone. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you but I know there is help out there.
Take care.

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