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    An_249399 posted:
    can't wait to die. my counselor says i am depressed with anxiety, but i don't think that is correct. At the end of 2011 i was in the hospital for over a month and nearly died. it was some random illness that left me unable to work and with no money. i made it through, but i just don't see the point. i only survived because i don't want my daughter to be sad. If it weren't for her i would be dead. For me, knowing that i will die makes living bearable -- does that make sense? i have a full life. i take classes and have friends, but if i died right now that would be okay.
    Lis11 responded:
    I almost can relate. I went to my phsy dr today and told her that I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. She said it looks like I am suffering from anxiety more than anything and she has seen me worse. To be honest, I feel worse than I ever have and I spend one week in the hospital because I felt this way then I started ECT treatments. She thinks I am not that bad and what I need is counseling. I have three kids and yes sometimes they are more than I can handle ;( right now is one of those times. I have no idea what to do. She thinks that if I just take a xanax when I feel this way it will help. I really don't think it will.
    I have an amazing husband, 3 beautiful children, a family, and friends that are just awesome but for me, I am ok with falling asleep and never waking again
    jblue123 replied to Lis11's response:
    I'm having a rough time also... I can't see a better way right now. If I'm not here the problems go away and everyone around me will not have to deal with all of it. I'm the source of the problem... I've researched the best ways to go... if it were not for my son, I would have done it already...
    toniDen replied to Lis11's response:
    I understand...i don't think people in the mental health field understand. I don't think anyone can unless they go through it. Sounds like your family keeps you going...that's the way it is with me and my daughter. If it weren't for her i would have died a long time ago. i don't want her to know what it's like not to have a mother (i lost mine a long time ago).
    toniDen replied to jblue123's response:
    @jblue123 is there really a best way to die? I haven't found it yet. A way to die where no one is sad or have to clean up after me or pay money to have me disposed of...
    jblue123 replied to toniDen's response:
    @toniDen you are right there really is no best way... just been looking for ways to go that someone doesn't have to clean up a big mess and that will be effective. Someone told me that people think about suicide when their coping skills are all used up. When you are at your breaking point. I'm at mine... I've leaned on friends and try to remember that my son in the end will pay the biggest price for me leaving. I just don't know how much more I can handle... I'm trying to be strong and work through my issues right now.
    toniDen replied to jblue123's response:
    @jblu123 that's all we can through the hard times. I try to remember the same things about my daughter. She says if I die she will blame herself, and I don't want that for her. So tomorrow I am going to the library and maybe to a coffee shop...just be active and get out of my own head.
    jblue123 replied to toniDen's response:
    I hope that it helps @toniDen. Come back here often... it has helped me to have a safe place to talk. Wishing you a peaceful weekend.

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