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    Chronic Pain Causing Depression/Women Only Please/Poss. trigger
    bpcookie posted:
    Hello everyone. I wasn't sure which board to post this on so I picked this one. I'm usually on the Bipolar board but every one there seems to be in such a good mood, I just didn't want to drag them down. I hope this won't drag any of you down either.

    I suffer from chronic pain. I have had back pain for a very long time now. Prob.7 yrs or more. I ended up excepting my pain, excepting the fact that I would be in pain every day for the rest of my life. So I adjusted my life style. Then all of a sudden Vulvodynia hit me, Lichen Simplex Chronicus. I've had it for two years now. Constant vulva pain. I can't wear pants and even underwear causes me pain. There is no cure, only treatments. Treatments that don't work. It just seems like there will be no end to my pain. I can't even imagine going through this for another year. Some women have had this for 20 and 30 years. OMG, I don't know what I would do. There has been times that I wish I would just die.

    I break down crying off and on and get depressed. I try not to cry in front of my husband because he feels so helpless to do anything. I just feel like there is no hope in sight.

    Thank you for anyone who read this.
    toniDen responded:
    I don't think i should respond to this because i think life is really crappy and the only reason i am still here is because of my daughter. I sucks big time that you have to go through this...just like it sucks that i got sick with some stupid pancreatitis that doctors can find an underlying cause and spent one month in the hospital, and had to learn to walk again and can't work and i am now on ssdi (which is just enough money to keep me from being homeless. So what i am saying is that if you are upset and pissed off maybe you have a reason to be...maybe we all have a reason to be pissed. I don't know how you deal with chronic pain, but some how you do it. Some days it is okay and other days, like today, suck so much you just want to sleep. I just figure if you can get up tomorrow then i will too.
    lexismom11 responded:
    You don't have to worry about bringing other down. It just means that you need more support right now and that is what the boards are for.

    As far as dealing with the chronic pain, know your limits. If you can't do something that day then you don't do it. Don't worry about what others may think because you can't do something. Let your husband know that when you are upset, you just need him to be there for you and support you. Let him know that by being there for you, he isn't helpless, he is doing something and that's all you need. He may wish he could do more, but that will have to be enough for him.
    bpcookie replied to toniDen's response:
    Thanks Toniden, I will get up tomorrow and the next day and the next day. I may not want to, but I always do. So will you.
    bpcookie replied to lexismom11's response:
    Hi Lexis honey, your such a sweet heart. Your always giving me support. You have no idea how much it means to me.

    Right now I am at my very lowest. I'm supposed to get a temp. procedure done again today and I just don't know how I'm going to stop crying before I get to the Dr.s You know how it is when your trying not to cry but all it takes is one little things to set you off? I'm afraid that will happen today. I always show up to my Dr.s apt. in a cheerful mood, trying to make others laugh but I don't think I can make anyone laugh today.

    Thanks again honey.
    Book_Reader responded:
    I know what it is like to live with chronic pain and depression. Looking back I realize that I have had depression most of my life but it never truly came out full force until about two years ago. My chronic back pain I have had since I was 18 (but don't think that is a long time ago seeing as I am only 22 now).

    My pain developed early in my life and as of yet no one knows why. Most doctors don't want to touch me or give me and pain killers because they feel that I am going to abuse them or sell them to my friends.

    While I was growing up my mom went through chronic pain and depression as well. I remember watching her in pain and feeling so helpless. Wanting to do anything to make her feel better. I know how your husband might feel but I also know somewhat of how you may feel. (Can't say that about most 22 year olds)

    I know what it feels like to be in pain everyday and not want to go on with life. I know how it seems so easy to just crawl into a corner and shrivel up until you die. I know what it's like when you try to be strong for someone while you feel like you're crashing inside.

    You have something that some people don't. You have a husband that cares for you. You have someone in your life that is worth fighting for. That is your reason to get up in the mornings. He is your support tower. Don't feel bad about being depressed or crying. Because just like toniDen said "if you can get up tomorrow the I will too." Then we all have a reason to get up tomorrow.

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