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chez1 posted:
I am having such a bad time of it today, I know that it sounds quite selfish to write with only one bad day but it has hit so hard.
Unlike a lot of people who are depressed I love this time of year, I love the cold, the glitz and glitter of decorations and all the kids faces when they see santa. I think because of this I have pretty much kept myself up-beat but I realised today that I have been kidding myself, how stupid - huh.
Well stupid it is, I have had enough. The phrase "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is maybe true, but what if the problems are not temporary, what if they are never going to go away. I don't think I can keep going any more. I know it is selfish, just because I am unhappy I want to disappear, but its not only just that, whilst I keep dropping in mood it affects everyone around me, that is also selfish,
Confusion and frustration would be my words of the day, along with sorry
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar
jdlcn responded:
it sounds as though you've been having a bad time of it for awhile? I am sorry to hear it. I was suicidal, with a plan, earlier this summer. called my doctor, went into the office, they called the suicide prevention people who came to talk with me there, in the office. I know how much pain you have to be in to consider suicide an answer. I get it.
At the time of my own cry for help, they told me i had a choice, be committed right then and there, or agree to go to community mental health center. I am now attending therapy, and on medication to ease the depression. These really do help, people really do care. Please, seek the help of a professional. I am low income myself, so the community center for mental health is right for me. At the very least, contact your general practitioner and ask about options, or contact a suicide hotline. Most are anonymous, so you can safely talk to someone.
chez1 replied to jdlcn's response:
Hi jdlcn
thank you for your response and welcome to this community.
I am sorry to hear how difficult your year has been but well done on seeking help and support and thank you for sharing your experiences.
I have been have a bad time of it for a while now and on the whole now can stay positive and always feel bad about posting negative thoughts as I tend to try and go for positive and motivational posts.
Anyway, I do see a dr regularly as well as a psychologist, they are so helpful and patient with me, I am continually amazed at how they don't judge as I often give them reason to it they chose too.
I don't think I am suicidal this evening but I am at risk of hurting myself and that is why I am posting, I really really would prefer to find something else, I just struggle at times to really see the trees that stand tall in the forest.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar
Demons2011 replied to chez1's response:
Chez1, I know this isn't your first "rough" day. I also know a little bit about you. I believe you are strong enough to keep going just for yourself. Your battles, will they end? I don't know, I wish they would and you are taking as many steps as you in the right direction to help yourself. Which all of us here applaud you for. All of us know what a bear depression is (you can substitute you favorite word for bear), how destructive it can be in our lives. Just remember as you climb that rope out of the well, keep reaching for that next knot in the rope. It may happen that we can recover from depression. Will it be in my lifetime -don't know. In your's? I think it has a good chance.

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