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Depression, Social Anxiety, and Delayed Puberty
Soja898 posted:
Hi, i've never posted or talked about what I'm going to say so bear with me. Ok so i'm currently 21 years old and umemployed. My problems started when i was entering High School and realizing that everyone hit puberty and i haven't. So because of that I kind of started becoming awkward in front of people hoping they wouldn't ask me how old i was because people started to think i was joking when i said i was in high school, which always made me hate myself. Eventually i hit puberty near the end of my junior year. So pretty much my high school "experience" was ruined from me being socially awkward and other then hanging out with the group of friends i had in school i isolated myself and just stayed home. I used to love going to see my family but now i hated going to visit them and tried to get out of going to see them at every chance i could. So i looked like a seventh or eighth grader in my senior year and i never went to prom, took my school picture, i didn't walk the line for graduation. I just stayed home and played World of Warcraft from when i came home from til it was time to sleep. Since then i lost contact with everyone i knew from high school except my best friend who moved elsewhere for college. After high school i told myself to just wait for my body to develop and hopefully look like my age so i could go back into the world and enroll in college. After a year out of school I was still doing the same thing, playing world of warcraft, eating, and sleeping. At this time i was getting food stamps and i had to atleast do something 10 hours a week to continue food stamps. I then started volunteering at a elementary close by and couples months later i got hired at the school as a custodian. Finally i was somewhat happy, getting paid alot and finally could save money for my future. Of course i still looked like freshman and other than the people i see everyday at work i was the same old social anxiety suffering kid. So me and my best friend who was in another state started talking about getting a place and at the same time i was pretty much was forced to quit my job because my mom decided to move away with her boyfriend to the other side of the island which is about 90 miles...i forgot to mention i live in hawaii. So i didn't want to live with my mom so i moved in with my dad which is about 20 minutes away from my mom. Anyway after i moved in with my dad my friend eventually said he doesn't have enough money yet and i would have to wait a couple months. Couple months passed and he still didn't have money and he said the same thing again and again. So present day im still living with my dad, all the money i saved up to move is gone because i had to help my dad with bills. My depression really kicked in the past year, i stay home everyday on my computer, my dad is away monday - friday so im pretty much alone all week other then my sister and mom who come by once a week or so. Since as i said i hated conversations with people i never got to get my license and never learned to drive because i can't see my baby faced self driving. Im pretty much trapped in this situation with no transportation to even look for a job and im too far to walk and don't have a bike. I rarely have an appetite, takes me 1-2 hours with my eyes closed to fall asleep, and i'm overweight. I have thought about suicide but the reason i don't go through with it is because of the pain i would cause my parents and i wouldn't want them to go through that.
Soja898 responded:
sorry i hit post without finishing but thats for those of you who read what i had to say, feels good to actually talk about it.
Soja898 replied to Soja898's response:
thanks for those*

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