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    Deep Depression
    berd00 posted:
    My husband was killed this summer while riding his bike. My daughter, and only child, is not talking to me for the third time in 10 years She won't let me see my 2 grandchildren. I've moved 4 times this year. I started a new job. I've talked to my family and friends about all of this over and over for years. I take a combination of wellbutrin and cymbalta. I feel like I'm drowning everday. I'm a 67 year old female. I have a really good therapist, but I can't see him everyday. I don't know where to turn anymore and am certain I will never feel better.
    Survivor2007 responded:
    That is a lot on your plate!!! I cannot imagine loosing my husband, even though I know that it will someday happen. How long were you married? I can only imagine how hard it would be to have my life turned upside down by that kind of loss, especially with the pressure of having depression as a health issue.
    Give yourself a have a lot to deal with. Of course it must feel like you are drowning....big changes like death, moving, isolation from family are tough to handle one at a time, much less all in a relatively brief time period.
    It sounds like the issues with your daughter have been going on for a long time. Sometimes there just is no explanation. I have a lot of difficulties with my daughter in law, and that has caused me to not have the relationship with my grand daughters that I had always hoped to have. So, I write to them.....not letters that I send, just letters to keep for them for someday. I tell them about family, about me, about how I love them, about the advice I would give them at various times in their lives.
    I think that one of the things that happens with depression is that we get this black or white attitude about dealing with life and it's pressures. Stating that you are certain that you will never feel better is an example of that. Our rational selves know that the only constant is change....everything changes, always. Call it growth, evolution, alteration, etc......But our depressed self can only see/feel what is going on right now and refuses to see the potential for change.
    For me, my relief from some of the things that my depression says will never change is to journal. I am a breast cancer survivor, and also experienced a traumatic fall that caused ongoing pain issues with my back. The issues that I deal with with my physical health are permanent and debilitating. So I write.....just for myself. It helps me to express get the feelings out of my head. Sometimes I write on paper that I can take out and burn.....that is also helpful for me.
    I guess sometimes all we can do it go through the motions, do what we can, and just hold on until the next day. I have definately "white knuckled" it.....especially through the cancer.
    Be kind to yourself, give yourself a break, focus on what you can do and not on what you can't do.

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