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    Looking for answers
    An_249591 posted:
    I'll make this as short as I can. I'm thinking about quitting my job and moving home (4 hours away). I thought I'd go back to school but I can't this coming semester, maybe next semester. So without school I'd be going home period - hopefully find a job, even part time. Or maybe I should just stay where I am until the next semester.

    The thing is I have suffered from depression my whole life. This past year has been horrible. I'm constantly exhausted, cry a lot, I work the evening shift so I'm pretty isolated I feel from everything... I've gained weight. I'm now seeing a psychiatrist who is great. I'm on wellbutrin, clonopin and now lithium - to boost my mood. I work 9, 10 hours a day and still can't pay my bills. I have a really bad work environment... I was recently told in my review that I'm too fast of a worker and the boss says that's not good.

    Anyway, my mom is really worried about my mental health and for good reason. I have recently started hitting myself when I get frustrated. My question is - is it wise to quit my job, move home, start over with nothing for the sake of my health... or stay where I'm at and get through six, seven more months.

    I'm worried about making the wrong decision. I'm over 30 and want a social life, a family - right now I don't have time or the energy for that. But in this economy can I really afford to leave a job... I'm just so depressed that I can't figure it out. Thank you for your time and help.
    phnx1116 responded:
    To add - I'm concerned about leaving a job that's steady, where I know how to do everything, a steady paycheck, etc... vs. moving home with no plan, no job, no school but I would work on that.
    Survivor2007 replied to phnx1116's response:
    Sounds like you have a lot to take into consideration. It is good that you are seeing a good psychiatrist, and have started lithium. It is a strong medication, but should be helpful. The self abuse issue is definately something that you need to address with a combination of medication and therapy.
    Working second shift is definately a life changer. I worked night shift for almost 10 years, and constantly felt that I was out of sync with the rest of the world. I think second shift is even tougher. At least on night shift I could sacrifice sleep to participate in life. Being socially isolated is definately not good for someone with depression, too much time in your own head. I'm sure you have had suggestions like get involved in some activity that you are interested in......but those are very valid suggestions. Consider being able to do volunteer work at an animal shelter, a homeless shelter, etc. Volunteer work is a great way to get out of the house, out of your head....and increase your sense of self worth.
    To be honest, it sounds like this would be a good time to pull back and go home, sort things out, focus on your treatment. That is assuming that your parent's home is supportive and respectful of your decision making skills. The self abuse is what would concern me. Do what you can to find as many sources of information and treatment.....hypnosis can be very helpful, meditation, yoga, cognitive behavior therapy. No reason that you can not utilize all of these.
    I know this will sound awful, but see if you can get let go from your job....fired if you will......and then be able to collect unemployment. At least it would give you some income to help with basics like gas money, personal expenses. Maybe you will find another job that is similar to what you do now and has better hours.
    Mostly, take care of yourself!! You know that....but sometimes it helps to really focus on that for a while.
    Best wishes....will be watching for your response.....
    phnx1116 replied to Survivor2007's response:
    Thanks for the reply. I've been in this area for 2 years. I really tired the first year to get involved - volunteering, going out more, etc. But nothing stuck. You're right - going home, taking a break and re-assessing everything is probably the best solution. My parents are supportive and want me home - because they're concerned. They obviously don't know everything except I'm miserable almost 100% of the time. My mom has also suggested getting fired... I've thought about it but my workplace doesn't fire anyone - let's just say it takes a lot of big mistakes over several months to get fired. I was thinking I'd cash out my 401K, take what money I have and hopefully get a part time job within a month or two.

    I was trying to go back to school but some mistakes were made at the small college I was looking it - so basically spring semester is out. That was a blow. My parents have offered to help financially - but I hate to ask. I'm suppose to be moving home in 3 weeks... I think I will go ahead and leave. Nothing seems to work here. I've had a hard time with friends, etc. Funny thing is - I've heard the same from others in this area. My job puts me in direct contact with the public and organizations, etc every day. I think it's time to take care of me and figure things out along the way. If I'm miserable and nothing seems to work... then it's time to make changes. My psychiatrist calls my job a train wreck and says i'm at the bottom of the pit - so therefore I need to make a change and he really likes the idea of going home. I see him this Saturday so I plan to talk to him about my concerns.

    Thank you for your help. I do appreciate it.
    itmatsb replied to phnx1116's response:
    Yes, you definately need to get out of that job. Find another one with better hours. If you just don't go to work and don't call in, wouldn't that get you fired? Oh well. And going home seems like a good idea, but you need to jump right in with getting another job and volunteering somewhere. Be sure that you don't just vegetate at your parents. Living there should cut your expenses and allow you more time to get out and meet people. I would not cash in your 401K. Big mistake. Instead get another job and you may be able to work part-time for awhile living with your parents until your depression gets better. Wish you the best.

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