I'm leaving
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deasertrose posted:
I'm sad and upset. I reply to people to help them and I never get a response. I feel useless and dumb cause I guess I'm not giving any good advise. i'm really depressed right now. I don't want to reach out anymore. I feel like nobody hears me. My husband goes away for a month next week and that is when I do crazy stuff. So maybe in a couple of weeks I'll be saying good bye to you all for good.
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Survivor2007 responded:
Wow, you sound more angry than depressed. Very angry. And threatening....that somehow the forum here would be responsible for your actions. That may be a clue to what you are dealing with regarding the depression. It sounds like you are focusing on what others are doing, and not so much on what you are doing. If you base how you are feeling on how others are reacting to you, you will have a hard time changing anything. And it sounds like you need to make some changes. I don't know if you are on any medication, or seeing a counselor......if not, you definately need to, if you are, you need to contact them and talk about how you are feeling.
No one else is responsible for how you are feeling. If you choose to do "crazy stuff" while your husband is gone, that is your choice, not the responsibility of your husband or anyone else. If you choose to not do "crazy stuff", it will be because you are taking some responsibility for your choices and actions.....and because you chose to reach out to counselors and medication to help you.
If you choose to leave, no one can stop you. At least coming here, someone will respond to you eventually. I feel this is somewhere to share.....not somewhere to blame. Everyone else here is dealing with depression and feelings of loss, shame, guilt, sadness, loneliness. Sharing helps us to know that we are not alone, that someone understands the frustration of dealing with feeling different, of not feeling "normal". Please share.....it may take time for others to respond, and you may have to keep posting. If it gets really tough, post with a trigger......I don't think anyone here would intentionally leave you without support.
 
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AlexanderCali responded:
Hello I am new on the sight, and Ijust hope your ok, you just seem in so much pain . I ahve been like that today crying all day. I just want you to know someone far away is praying for you to try ti find peace. My name is alex

god bless you

I hope the new year brings us all health and happiness
 
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deasertrose replied to Survivor2007's response:
Survivor2007
I'm not blaming anyone on the forum and I'm not focusing on other people. I do care and want to help people but I'm going through a real hard time right now and I just want to be taken off some of my pills to see if they are causing my symptoms.. or should I just get ECT. My husband does help me he just teases me. I don't know what to do. My pdoc says we'll see about taking me off some of my meds after my husband gets back.Sorry this has nothing to do with why I was writting you.
I know no one else is responsible for how I'm feeling. I'm just confused and I'm having servere memory loss and no one can explain why. I'm scared. I'm sorry for my post I guess I was angry that night but I have no idea why.
Ru
 
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Survivor2007 replied to deasertrose's response:
Deasertrose, It is okay to be angry....actually, it can be very healthy!! It means that somewhere inside of you, you still have the awareness that feeling so bad is not okay and the you want to fight it. Getting angry helped me to get through breast cancer. It helped me to stand up for myself, to be my own advocate. It sounds like that is what you are trying to do with your doc...so keep fighting. It is not okay to feel so awful...and it is up to you and your doc to find some way to make this better. And be kind to yourself.....treat yourself with compassion and forgiveness. You did not choose for this to happen in your life. I did not mean to sound so critical, but I recognize the trap of blaming others and know that it will take you in the wrong direction......it fosters the sense of being a victim, which is a totally helpless place to be. Keep fighting....you are worth it.