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    An_249646 posted:
    Hi this is the first time i search for online help, it is scary and embarassing at the same time for me. I am 37 years old until two years ago I was a happy person. I had never been suicidal or suffered from depression. I have always had faith in god and my two kids have always been a strong reason for me to continue onwards but for the past two years i have had crhonic bakc problems, extremely painful and my life changed completely economically, physyically, mentaly and my family as well. I am so sadened when I look at what I have become and ashamed of myself. I dont even recognize the person in the mirror. I cry almost everyday and fall a sleep whsihing I would just die in my sleep. I dont want to go out or see anyone. I am able to force myself to go to work. I dont have goals, or happiness in my life it is only pain and sorrow. I pray all day god will come to help me and take away this pain, at times I feel like Iam going crazy. I would like to meet people who suffer from depression as well my e-mail is God Bless us all
    lukeperry responded:
    Hi avelas or Hello,

    Did you know that chronic pain causes depression? And some people will have bad pain, when they get depressed. So right there, it sounds like a vicious circle.

    If you want to meet people who suffer from depression, you've come to the right place. Almost everyone on here are depressed, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. You need to know that it's a disease and the only thing you can do for it, is treat it, either with a doctor, medication or both.

    First of all, stop being so hard on yourself, stop beating yourself up. I bet if you knew me, you wouldn't hate me, or be ashamed of me. You would probably be nice and try to help me. So why don't you deserve the same courtesy, & treatment? Stop being your own worse enemy. I like you, and it's just from reading the way you write, you sound very nice.

    All the things you said, about not wanting to leave the house, having no goals, and not caring about waking up. They are all caused by depression. Have you seen a psychiatrist yet? You need some medication to help you get through this, you can get anti-depressants from your GP, until you can see the psychiatrist.

    Are you in pain management for your back? Your GP should get you in it. You don't really want to die, you just want the pain (both mental, & physical) to stop. God is still with you, we leave him, he never leaves us. When I was very ill and in a lot of pain, I asked him to please give me strength, and to be by my side, while I was going through it. He did it, & by being by my side, I got a plus that I didn't ask for. I didn't have any pain, or throw up. So that was great. Ask him again in a different way.

    I'm sure that you know your going to have to change your life. You need to find something you like, that you're able to do with your hurt back. Does the doctor give you anything for your pain? You also need someone to talk to, maybe a therapist? What are you doing for your back? You need help for sure, you can't do this alone.

    There is no reason for you to be ashamed, you've been through a lot, in a short period of time. You've been doing the best you can, so be proud of your accomplishments. Try not to dwell on what you haven't done, instead try and see all that you have done. Write again if you feel like it. I hope I didn't sound like a know it all. If I did, I'm sorry.

    There are a lot of people on here, that know just the right things to say. I'm sure other people will ans. you to. God bless.
    AlexanderCali replied to lukeperry's response:
    hi Luke

    Thanks a lot for your kind words. You seem to have read me really well. I know everything you said is right. After crying almost all day yesterday and reading some of the other cases. I am definitely going to try to fight this depression there are so many things which need to be treated nd changed but I will do it a day at a time. I just prayed yesterday for everyone on this sight and myself . I hope this new year is going to be better for us all, I need to beleive this. You cant imagine how uch it means that you wrote to me, i reaslly apreacitae it. How are you doing?

    I have tried many medications for pain and i think they took there toll on me, the side effects i feel have a lot to do with my mental state i took sleeping pills, vaiorus pain killers and anti depression drugs. i am going to begin treatment again next week i stopped because i was so saturated from the meds and the doctors.

    My new years resolution is to change my life and try to be there for others, god bless you . do you have an e-mail or skype account
    lukeperry replied to AlexanderCali's response:
    Hi Alex,

    I'm so happy if I helped you at all. Oh, I almost forgot," HAPPY NEW YEAR! " You certainly sound better, you sound like you have on your depression fighting, boxing gloves, & that's GREAT!

    You're right about the medication causing or making your depression worse. It sounds like you need pain meds, so your going to have to find one that doesn't make you crazy. I have to be on some myself for, 'of all things, my spine.' The doctor and I had to keep trying different kinds, until I found the right one.(one that didn't make me crazier (is that a word?) I'm sure it was good for your body, to stop everything for a while. Did the anti-depressant help you, if so, I'd start taking those again. I can't take them, they make me suicidal. Isn't that weird, I bet I'm the only person that anti's make worse.

    You said that you have a lot to do, try & make sure you don't overload yourself. What I do is make a list of things to do, in order of their importance. Things that I can't change right this min., go to the bottom of the list. Something that I can do tomorrow,(like make a doc appt.) will go on the list, and clean the tub(i can do that today) goes on the list. Take a shower, I think I can do that today.

    As I do things on the list, (like take a shower) I cross them off and give myself a BIG PAT on my back! They might be stupid, to a so called normal person(I've never met one) but to me, it's a big deal, and I'm proud of it. You should be too, and it should make you happy. Count every single thing, that's hard for you to do, as a happy pat on the back. Because, you deserve that pat. Who cares what anybody else thinks.

    Write me. Is this your email, avelasqucali.......? I got confused about who that belonged to. Later

    AlexanderCali replied to lukeperry's response:
    yes my e-mail is

    how are you luke?
    lukeperry replied to AlexanderCali's response:
    Hey stranger,

    I'm going to try and email you tomorrow. I have been going to so many specialist's this mo., that I haven't been able to even talk to you. When I email, I'll give you mine. Later

    AlexanderCali replied to lukeperry's response:
    Ok , How have you been?
    lukeperry replied to AlexanderCali's response:
    Alex, what are you doing up so early, Oops! It's not so early! I've been up all night, I only sleep 3hrs. a night and that's not what I like. I can't help it, I think it's some kind of 'old lady' thing. Thank you for being my 1st, early and happy person to say good morning! Good morning to you also!

    AlexanderCali replied to lukeperry's response:

    you need to try to get some rest the body needs to sleep. I hope you have an excellent day god bless
    lukeperry replied to AlexanderCali's response:
    Good evening Alex,

    I hope you had a good day today! I also found out why I couldn't sleep. I went to my doc today for some other reason, and found out I was getting sick. It was perfect timing because I got to start my antibiotic's in the beginning. When ever you get to start them before your all the way sick, it prevents you from becoming really ill. Talk to you later.

    How is your depression coming? I think that I read, you try to take it one day at a time. Sometimes that's to much for me, so I take it a few hours at a time. Like if your having a really bad day, it's easier to live from breakfast, to lunch, to dinner. Ta Da!

    AlexanderCali replied to lukeperry's response:

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