Depressed and lonely
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An_250267 posted:
Lately I've just been feeling very alone. I'm really close with my family but lately I feel like they just judge me for being depressed and instead of admitting their part in any argument they just tell me I'm having an anxiety attack. It's not fair that the people that are supposed to love me the most just blame me for everything. I transferred schools from Ohio to Illinois, where I'm from, and have been commuting to school. I made a couple good friends there but I don't have many friends here. I used to be friends with everyone, go out all the time and have fun, have confidence with some self esteem issues, and had no problems dating. I started having health issues right when I transferred home and still am so I'm stuck here in Chicago so I can be by my doctors. I feel like opportunities have been taken from me. This summer I had more issues come up and that was when I found out I'd have to be here forever. It hurts a lot knowing that because I feel so dependent. I'm registered at my school as a disabled student and that is just a really hard thing for me. People look at me and have no idea that I'm not perfectly healthy because everything I have affects the inside of me. There was this guy that was friends with me in high school and over summer we reconnected and I ended up going on a date with him about 5 months ago. It made me feel better getting out and having someone that cared about me. I didn't wen care about me. It was a really rocky and dysfunctional relationship. I feel like he just played me, he said and did some horrible things but I was never confident enough to move on from him. He had a way of making everything my fault and having me apologize to him. He even told me that I want worth dating him. Then just a few weeks ago things were the best they have ever been. He'd text me every day, ask me how I was feeling and how my classes were and always wanting to see me. A week after that he tells me he's done with me. Then last week he told me he doesn't want to hangout and met a new girl and that they were hooking up and how she's perfect for him. He said that she's actually worth dating, that she made him really happy and he really likes her. It just made me feel so alone all over again and I do feel really pathetic. I've cried every day since and he's pry laughing and kissing her. He's done so many terrible things yet I can't get over him. I'm getting really really depressed again and have never felt so lonely. My mom doesn't even know any of this because even though I tell her I'm having depression problems and need her support she hasn't been giving me any. No one thinks I'm worth helping, and now I feel like I'm not worth it either. I ask god why he's punishing me and putting me through this. I don't understand what I did to deserve this amount of pain. I don't know what to do anymore
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prophetess1987 responded:
major *hugs* to start with. there is certainly a lot of things going on for you right now. it sounds like you need someone to talk to or just to vent, so you've definitely come to the right place.

I don't know if there's much I can say. I do relate, however, to the disability issues. I also have a disability that usually ppl cannot see, and it is difficult to accept that part of me. but what I've come to realize is that 'disability' is simply a label. there are always going to be things that each individual cannot do or doesn't think they can do. so in some ways, everyone is disabled. just some of us are lucky enough (sarcasm haha) to be classified as disabled b/c of something we have.

all i can say is, the label of disability does not in any way begin to define a person, there is so much more to you, and having a disability is just a workaround that one has to adapt to.

i'm sorry to hear you aren't getting any support from your mom. is there anyone else that you trust that may be of help? if not, you may want to look into seeing a professional. I had tremendous luck with seeing a therapist a few years ago, it's just about finding the right person to fit your personality and situation.

and I know your relationship situation royally sucks, and you are very upset about it now, but that relationship sounded very toxic, and I believe once the initial shock and sadness wears away, you will be better off. you deserve someone who doesn't belittle you and put you down.

warmest wishes and again lots of *hugs*

prophetess