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    severly depressed mom
    dshiffer1974 posted:
    am a mother of two boys 11 and 3 and have severe depression, agoraphobia and anxiety. i know its taboo to say this but depression has made me hate taking care of my family, i cant grasp why i just dont care about anything, i have no motivation to do anything, i am just existing through each day, how do i cope? how do i live with the guilt that i am not being the best or even a good mom? i take my youngest outside and all i can think the whole time is, is this almost over i just want to be back in my little corner on the couch!
    alaska_mommy responded:
    I've totally been there. Even very recently. I just started back on my antidepressants so it's been a lot better in the last few days. But when I'm depressed, I get to feeling like my toddler is just an inconvenience. He makes me irritated with any little thing that requires energy from me when I'm that way. A spilled glass of milk makes me so angry when normally I could handle it and we'd clean it up together. When I'm depressed I don't want to go anywhere or do anything with him, I just want him to watch TV and leave me alone. It's not you, per se, it's the depression talking at those times. Have you seen your doctor about it or considered any counseling or therapy? I hope you can find your sunbreak in the storm!
    AK0516 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    I feel the same intense irritability with things that I know are superficial. If I drop my fork, I feel so angry and irritated and I either scream and yell or hold it in and flip out later that day for something equally ridiculous and it's getting to the point my close friends/family notice and get angry with me for being so angry but I cant seem to control it. It seems appropriate at the moment and they don't understand I cannot seem to control it, causing many problems with my social life. When I react like that, it seems normal for me even though they think I'm just being a snob
    dshiffer1974 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    that is exactly how I feel! inconvenienced ! I have such guilt about it. and I have been in therapy for over a year and on meds too. I almost never leave the couch and only leave my house five to six times a month, I'm just tired of this

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