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Depressed and Confussed
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An_250684 posted:
Had everything at one time. A job, a couple of businesses that I started, a head coaching position for a high school ten plus years, lots of friends and a family full of lots of brothers and sisters.
Today, I have no job, no friends to speak of and my family was never close so i do not talk or see the other 7 siblings. My wife has now moved into the spare bedroom, nothing was ever discussed as to why. I know we were both battling the cold and flu, but thats been over for weeks.
The fact that we havent been intimiate for over a year has something to do with it, im sure.
During the course in time, some 20 years let me explain my sacrifices and personal business tracts. I have relocated and excepted 3 upper management positions that I was forced to resign due to my wifes non-commited approach to relocate. Another position was turned down before I started. This would have been another relocation for us.
So here I sit trying to find a position in a rural community that has nothing to offer. Oh, did I mention my wife is a school teacher.
My wife has had several reasons for not moving one was here mother being a only child was difficult. Her mother has now passed. The other resons were her two sons that have gone off to college and have since gradutated.
I raiseed her two sons from the ages of 5 and 10 years old. Her ex husband had paid nothing of child support or funded any college. This was my wife being non-confrontational. So we picked up all the expenses.
Sorry for going on, but this is just some of what has transpired over the years. Im lost with no help from family or friends and can't seem to figure it out. Ive always been a competitive winner at work or playing sports, I have never given up. But this marriage thing has me wondering. She hasn't made it easy and Im sure she would say the same.
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Ajaradom responded:
Hi An,

One of the first thoughts I had after reading your post is "communication between you and your wife"..... I get the impression that you and your wife are not really talking, communicating with each other....like you just live in the same house, more like roommates. You guys need to sit down and have a "heart-to-heart" conversation ..... really be honest about feelings and what's happening/not happening in your relationship.....these types of conversations are tough, but you've got to face it eventually.

I've been divorced for a very long time, so I'm a little out of touch with married life. As you said, you have sacrificed much for your wife, for your family. What do you want for the rest of your life? Do you want your marriage to work? Have you thought about seeing a marriage counselor?

I'm sorry you feel lost...it's a horrible feeling. I think it would be a good idea for you to find a liscensed counselor .... one you really "click" with (sometimes you have to go through a few before you find one that you feel comfortable with).

You can count me as a friend I've just recently found this community. I'm trying to check the site at least twice a day. I think I may have exchanged with you in another discussion...not sure, but I think so.

Hope to hear from you!

Lori
 
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Ajaradom responded:
Duh me ..... sorry....I just realized that "An" represents prefix to the user number.

Anyway my friend, hope to hear from you!

STAY STRONG! You're a good man, I can tell!

Lori
 
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Thomas L Schwartz, MD responded:
I am sorry to hear of all this as well. Looks like you two have fundamentally different stance on moving and relocating. Her reasons were perhaps valid at one time and seem not now.. At the end of day seems she does not want to relocate at any cost.
So I agree, find a way without malice to discuss it more and possibly see a couples counselor for a few session to get things in open and discuss if this is an impasse or can be fixed..
 
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alleymattie responded:
Thanks Lori I will keep in touch. Thanks for your support and comments.
 
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alleymattie replied to Thomas L Schwartz, MD's response:
Thank you sir. Appreciate the advice.


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