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    So Depressed
    beautifulbuffalo posted:
    I live in a world that's hard to explain. I have knots in my stomach daily. I suffer a lot of stress. I'm very unhappy. If this is life then it sucks and I don't want any part of it. I have a wonderful husband but he is alwasy busy doing something. I'm lonely. I don't have hobbies except my music helps calm me down. I suffer from major depression, TSD and anxiety. I'm so down.
    hzlbabe responded:
    I work in customer service, which sucky enough, but i feel so alone when you work with co-workers that you know hate you. which makes that place a lonlier place. the people i would have some rapport with most of them have left. The management is no help i feel that if they show an inch of interest i dont trust them because i know they will use my vulnerabilities against me. so it can be worse. Be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. So I do get it. I dont have an answer I wish you well. i went to the doctor and he's been a pain. so i feel like im being hit by all directions. write me if you want to vent.
    beautifulbuffalo replied to hzlbabe's response:
    hzlbabe, I've been through the world and back. I was sexually and physically abused as a child and that finally ended at the age of 16 so you see I never had a childhood. Then I got married to a wondderful man and had 2 children. I put up a wall of my past in order to get married and move on.until my father died and the wall fell down and I ended up in the psy. ward 4 x's. I've been in therapy for 19 years. Now I'm out of work on disability retirement because my boss of 21 years was an ass and pushed me out. We were good friends and then she turned on me and made my life misserable for 2 years. I ended up having no friends and hated and dreaded going to work. Now my daughter just got a divorce and is living with us along with her 18 month old son. I'm at a point I just want to be retired not babysit while she works or whatever. I'm 50 and want my house back. And it doens't help that she has a mood disorder and doesn't belive in getting help so my anxiety level is sky high and I don't know how to talk back or to say NO.
    ctp53 responded:
    HI - I am sad and worried to see your post. Please know you are important and worth every minute you can spend on yourself and others. I find that helping others helps me feel better about myself. Keep moving forward knowing you are important and worth it!
    beautifulbuffalo replied to ctp53's response:
    Thanks ctp53. But lately I'm feeling worthless and depressed. There is no time for myself as I babysit for my grandson while my daughter works. It's not that he is any problem but I don't feel like I have any time for myself and when I do somebody wants to go with me when all I want to do is get away and maybe go to barnes and noble or even for just a walk. I feel like this is a losing battle. I've been having dreams of dying. My husband is near me but not my family. The dream is as though I did something to myself to put me in this situation. Maybe it would make the hurt go away.

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