Depression Community

So I had my birthday this weekend, I turned 25. Most uneventful birthday since Ive turned 21.
Its not fun anymore to get older, now its all downhill from here. I know Im not old at all, but I just have a bad attitude sticking around I cant kick.

I just feel really foggy right now, cant think very well.

I spent my entire weekend looking for houses to rent. We applied for 3 now, the first one we were beaten to apparently. I think the land lord met some one he liked better, he wasnt very nice to me on the phone... he wasnt a very good speaker, so I was impatient with him over the phone. I cried tho alot when I found out we did not get that house cause I really wanted it. The house and the lot together made it perfect.
We noticed theres alot more houses for sale then rent, I am going to apply for a home loan today and see how much I can be approved for... on weekend mornings it seems like I can gain a clear head to do this house hunting, but right now Im thinking about loans, and rent applications, and how much money I will have to budget out for this, and it turns into a low buzz in my mind, and I just wanna turn it off and go back to sleep this morning. and then Id like to sit at home and make business calls today with out looking over my shoulder for my boss.

And of course everytime I find a house I can imagine actually living in, some one else has already applied and been approved for it.

The first one I looked at I guess I shouldve been more aggresive but it was my very first time doing this so I thought that keeping my options open was the best idea, little did I know that there would be no better options after the first home I looked at.

By the time I got around to applying the realtor got my hopes up, and then told me hes approved some one else. I was so sad. I was mentally moved in that house. This was 3 days ago, and by now theres no chance Ill ever get that house the realtor hasnt even returned my inquiry call... Im still sad over it. The yard was perfect, the front porch, the street, the bedroom, the price, the neighbors. I was so psyched over that house.

Ive applied for another house... Ive looked ALLL over town, and there is only one other house that I would seriously consider renting, all the others are like run-down smelly nightmares, I am amazed that landlords think they can really rent a house with out doing any cleaning at all? Im supposed to pay you all this money to move into a dirty house? a mess that some one else had made? That really pisses me off. "new carpet" you go in the house that supposedly had new carpet, and its got black track marks, and brown stains all over it. WTF! or the basement smells like someone pooped on the floor. ick! I cant believe folks live in places like that or that landlords expect them to!

This house I applied for is really cute inside from the pictures, and looking thru the windows. I finally got the key so I can get inside after work today. but umm... its not really a big deal, but I just feel this house would be so much more perfect if there werent a whole extra house in its back yard.

The city I live in, has tons of these beautiful old victorian mansions, that slum-lords have gone in and spliced plaster walls down the middle of crown molding staircases to split these mansions up into quadroplexes etc. It apparently was the huge trend in the 60s according to my dad.
I think its a darn shame to go and mess up a beautiful old mansion just so you can cram 8 families into one property. Which dont even sound right, my dad was a landlord for 25 years, and he said theres a law that there has to be 2 parking spaces per unit. Ive gone to look at houses that dont have a drive way or even enough room in the street to park in front of the house... so IDK how folks are getting away with cramming these properties!!!!
Now the historical society has laws in place to protect the old homes, but thats a whole other night mare for potential home owners!!!

This house is of course not a quardo-plex, its just a house, a 2bedroom 1 bathroom, with another house in its back yard. I find this comparable to the quardoplex issue because they have taken a perfect lot and made it into an imperfect lot. Sure the home owner is making double the profit off of one lot, but now Im gonna have to share my back yard and my drive way, and being that Im moving out for the first time, and Ive already lived in a duplex the past 10 years, I was hoping to find a house to rent with my own drive way and my own front and back yard.
Oh well this house has 1/2 a drive way and a front yard, that will have to do. Cause its a great price for the nicer part of town. We wont have to move to the hood to afford a home. And I have been broken into living in the nice part of town, I cant even begin to imagine the stress living in a bad neighborhood being paranoid of robbery would do to me.

Sometimes I think I experience mania, cause Ill go thru phases of racing thoughts. Right now its as if I couldnt talk or do enough, but I know that I dont have anything great to say or that interesting, but I just cant stop thinking or talking about it... IDK. Im a wierd person thats for sure... But my therapist and everyone dont agree cause I switch too quickly...

I am madder then a nest full of hornets getting kicked around.

My fiance told me he has bad credit, I had a feeling he must be lying about what he owes and what his score was, but I had no proof to go accusing him, now Ive applied for this house to rent and were getting denied because he owes 830 to the gas company and over 80 to two city electric companies. I am trying to think of how to approach this situation...

I am really upset some times I think hed full of crap and I should just call the whole wedding off and be done with him if he cant tell the truth.

I have always had a feeling hes hiding things from me ever since his sons mom spilled the beans about his 3rd kid.

Before he had his son and daughter, he got the other woman pregnant who has never let him see the boy and made him sign his parental rights over, so I guess its a really touchy subject. so he never told me since he doesnt like to talk about it.
Ill be honest it still disturbs me he lied about that even tho I told him I understand.
I cant say Im not questioning if we should get married.

So I was 2 minutes late coming back to work from lunch yesterday and I missed this new meeting were having every tuesday called "huddle" because I had to get to the realtor to check out another key during my lunch because I get off work at 4:30 and they stop checking out keys at 4:00 so the only way I can actually get into look at a rental is to go at lunch, and I told my boss I was sorry about this, but some times you have to try and get things done during the work week, since most businesses are not open during the weekend, its really inconvenient for me to try and find a rental, cause if I wait too long some one else can apply and I lose my chances at a house I like. I explained all of this to my boss that I was very sorry for being 2 minutes late.
She told me I shouldnt be getting married to my fiance I should rethink what Im doing cause hes causing me alot of hassle. She needs to MIND HER OWN BUSINESS!!!!!! I was gicing her a valid reason that I had to leave the building for my lunch and a valid reason for being late, and 2 minutes isnt a big deal. Like... she is making me crazy. She makes all these suggestions to me that are none of her business, I dont like her as a person, and her opinions about my personal life do not matter to me at all, so I think she shouldnt try to take my personal life and threaten my job because of it... she is way too nosey, I shouldnt tell her anything about my life at all, cause she uses it against me instead of being understanding.

She said "it really makes me mad you are doing this to me again after you did so well last year" I missed a huddle and was 2 minutes late coming back to work for lunch, because I had personal errands I was trying to attend to, and she is taking it personal and threatening me with me job again. I feel like she has been way out of line as my manager for years. I want her out of my personal business, I want her to do her job, and let me do mine,and stay out of my way.
I wish there was something I could do to get her to back off for good. My days go wonderful as long as I dont have to speak to her...

I think I say things, and they come out wrong, and Im hoping folks will catch on, knowing what I mean even tho things are coming out of my mouth not exactly as I was thinking, cause I think way ahead of myself before I speak... and umm.... I think that people take what I say out of context and run with it, and come up with a whole other idea, that is not even close to what I was trying to describe. Like with my boss yesterday I was trying to get the point across that there was no other possibility for me to get this done outside of work hours, and you know, what I do during my lunch break is none of her business, I can do whatever I want during my lunch break, and given the nature of the issue, I thought she would understand instead of telling me to break up with my fiance.
I know I said I was thinking of calling off the wedding, but I was over reacting. I knew he had bad credit, I guess I just didnt expect it to feel so embarrassing when the realtor called and described everything he owes.

Ive replied to myself 5 times, will some one please reply to me!? Lol. Sorry.

Im so tired of working with the people I work with at times.
They just irritate me, I MAKE SUGGESTIONs how to do things better or faster and they act like Im trying to restart the nazi haulocaust.

My life really isnt so bad, just my patience is thin, and I wish it was easier to calm myself.
My life is actually really really awesome in comparison to some folks lives. I need to learn how to feel eternally grateful for things I have and I need to learn PATIENCE. Sure, Ive learned some, but I need more.

Cigarettes and beer used to be my answer. I have been doing so so so well, not drinking beer or smoking cigarettes, and have noticed many positive changes, but today I am THIS CLOSE TO going to the little gas station picking up a 12 pack and falling off the wagon or whatever they call it. I have already smoked a few cigars why not buy a pack of smokes!
This is how Im feeling, but I know its garbage!

I think you really need to get over this. So he's selling the house. Big deal. It's something he needs to do for him and you're acting like it's all your problem. Maybe you should step back from the situation and realize that the world doesn't revolve around you and you need to get over that people can't make decisions to better themselves based on your input. He didn't need to tell you or include you in his decision making process. You are a tenant, and he's the homeowner. He's the one who's money and future is on the line. He knows you'll move out and find another place. Stop acting like it''s YOUR home to sell.

I never said its my home to sell. I think your being really rude, and that you dont have the guts to even post this without being anonymous.

Im not the tenant, im the home owners daughter.

Im fine thats not even the issue, I just love that house and will miss living there, cant say theres anything wrong with being sentimental.
Anyways, my dad has decided not to sell his house so he can stay near his grandson/ my nephew.
But were still going to move out so he can have his space and we can have ours.

My dad is a 62 year old retiree, and hes owned this house for 30 years. He was thinking of buying a ranch with some land to get away from my mother. Its not as if hes fell upon some hardship and had to sell the house to get out of debt.
Geez.

EWW do not listen to that silly ANON who is just being rude. Have they never heard if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?!? You have every right to be concerned about YOUR living situation. I for one completely get it. At least your dad could have mentioned it to you before sticking a sign in your front yard.

I can understand being upset by someone not telling you they were going to sell the house. In most parts of the country, landlords are required to give a certain amount of notice before a tenant needs to move so your dad owed you the same courtesy. A precipitous move affects you a great deal and is even a potential financial danger. That said, taking a breath and thinking about all sides of the situation can often help overcome any problem.

Yeah its been a hard couple of weeks just the impending financial danger I am in. being that my dad is a retiree that has a nice amount of savings and is no longer selling his house and I am still going to move out.
And then ym boss is constantly threatening my job over really stupid things. The reason I am sitting here doing this is because the stupid woman that she promoted over me is currently at her desk SHOE shopping.
My manager gets mad at me cause she saw me reading an article about diabetes. I was actually reading it for personal reasons but we work in a diabetes office, nothing wrong with brushing up on some information while she lets my other co-workers shoe shop. I have told her several times the reason I do not heed to her demands is cause she does not hold the same demands for every employee. I am so sick of her injustice. I am going to keep working here since I have no other options right now, she even told me she gave me a bad review when another office called to ask me about her cause I hav been trying to find a new job. Isnt that some what illegal? It seems I have heard they are not allowed to slander your name simply state you are not rehirable.
I honestly dont know what my bosses problem is with me, but I dont really care, cause I will never know, its most likely based on jealousy. I just do my job and do what everyone else does, but I am the one who gets in trouble, no one else. I am so sick of it. Her face and the way she talks to me, ugh. She is just so mean. I was training a cover girl yesterday and she even told me that she is mean to me, and she doesnt see why!
Thanks for te replies folks. Have a nice day.

I meant to say when other offices call her to ask about me. When I worked at the mall I heard that legally all they were allowed to say when calling your manager was whether you were rehirable or not.
She came in here and was mad at me cause I asked our nurse practitioner who is ready to retire if I could have some of her info if I ever need her recommendation, and so my manager is all offensive like she thinks I was going to just quit with out telling her.