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Debbie Downer here...
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kitty10017 posted:
I have been dealing with depression for over a year. I see a therapist once a week and a psychopharmocologist once a month or every two months. I am on Wellbutrin and Zoloft. The depression first started last year when my boyfriend broke up with me. I was 28 years old and I felt like my world was collapsing. I was in a dead end job, I was in over $25K of debt, I was still living at home, I just gave up my car, I couldn't concentrate on simple things like reading - I felt trapped. I lost 30lbs (I went down to a weight of 107). I wouldn't go out, I secluded myself. Over the course of 2012, I was getting better. I was still upset over my ex and always kept thinking "Why would anyone want to love me?" and would blame myself for everything going wrong (relationship and life). Then in September, I started dating a wonderful guy I have known for a long time. I felt a happiness I didn't know I could feel again. Then he broke up with me last month and I feel like I am back to square one. I don't want to go out again. I am still taking the medications, but I still feel like there is nothing in life for me. I have trouble sleeping (I was just put on Ambien to help me sleep through the night). I feel sad, lonely and lost. The difference between last year and this year is that last year, I felt like I broke into a million pieces - this year, I am just sad and upset. I got a new job last year. My debt has gone down considerably. I have learned to live without a car (especially living in the NYC area, I can). I am reading a lot. But the thoughts of not ever being good enough for someone and that it must have been my fault he broke up with me is back. And so many people tell me it's going to get better, but what if it never does? Lonliness is one of my fears as I get older, and each year I feel more and more lonely.

How does one force yourselves to go out? How does one put positive thoughts in their head and believe that they ARE good enough for someone? How do people become positive again? I am losing hope for everything - being happy, finding someone...How do others do it?
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