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Just Existing
AvaDAngelo posted:
I am tired of living but too much of a sissy to end it all, so I am just existing. I have given up on everything that life is suppose to be about. I worked so hard in life to be something but even that is crap. My career is falling apart, my marriage is falling apart, and the worst thing is, I don't care anymore. I have zero dreams or hopes about life getting better, this is as good as it is going to get. I have accepted the fact that at this point in my life, I am just here to pay the bills so my kids have a roof over their heads and food in their guts, barely. Everything else is just a joke. I am too old to start dreaming of a better life, or even try to change it at this point. I'm simply too tired. I've tried meds, don't work. I don't have money for counseling and I know this is just something I have to live with. My mother was BiPolar and killed herself when I was 9. I promised I would never do that to my kids. I am just having a hard time finding a way to even get out of bed anymore. I need a way to fake it for everyone else so at least my pretend life can go on as normal. I have no one to talk to. When I talk to my husband, it just turns into an argument about me "being selfish" and making excuses for not wanting to have sex. I have no friends I can confide in because I simply do not let myself get close to anyone. I just don't know how to cope anymore. Happiness is just not in the cards for me in life. As hard as I try, I will always be just existing.
An_250930 responded:
I understand. My husband left me after 19 years of marriage because of my depression. You are a very strong person and I pray that you will know there is always hope. I am glad you had the courage to post this and reach out. I have so often wanted to have a support group of like minded people who can enlighten each other on ways to turn this illness around and find peace..

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