Depression Community

Does anyone else use ambien? I use it quite often, and when I first start using it, its seems to knock me out really well... but near the ends of my bottles, like the last 10-5 pills it seems as if it has the opposite effect and keeps me up instead, and then I get all goofy, and do stupid things before I drag myself to bed.
Ive run out and havent been taking it for a couple of weeks, I can not get anymore with out seeing my pdoc. I know I need to see her, but the last time I saw her I felt like she was not concerned with how I was feeling, that she just wanted to maintain my meds and make me go away. I have seen her before and shes been very patient any other time. I know that people have off days and that can happen, but I wish it wouldnt happen to me, cause it deters me.
I have trouble falling asleep, I dont stay asleep, I wake during the night at least once or twice a night, and most times an hour before my alarm is set and cant fall back to sleep. I wake up drenched in sweat even though all I wear is a tank top and my hunnies boxers to bed. I am absolutely sick of not getting good rest, and hearing my co-workers chirp about being responsible to me as if I am up partiyng or something, no I am at home tossing and turning in bed trying to get rest to come to this darn place.

I am feeling pretty miserable.
I am sad, I feel like fiance tunes me out while I try to tell him how I am feeling he either snaps at me or minimizes my feelings, he always says "well get it taken care of" I dont want you to take care of it, I want you to listen and understand! I want you to see the pain I am feeling and hold me, instead of stare at the gosh darn TV! And getting it taken care of to him is pacifying my feelings long enough to calm me for a day and then Im right back where I started.

We are moving and its hard for me to know if I am doing the right thing by moving out with him. I am terrified of this whole thing.
On top of this my grandmother has taken a turn for the worst, she will be passing away soon, and has been placed in hospice care... I am trying not to think much about it. I am really worried my mom will lose it when grandma dies, cause my mom is the reason I am so unstable myself, I learned all her craziness....
A guy I used to party with hung himself too... I dont know what I think of that. I havent talked to him cause he was on drugs. If anything I thought he would have over dosed, but he hung himself, and I am in shock over that...
I keep wondering what comes after life in death, if its any better than this world we live in.