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Need someone to talk to....
An_251291 posted:
I've had depression for many years BUT I can connect the dots. It's much more. On top of everything in my life, my husband is an alcoholic. Some days better and some days worse. He might go one day a week without drinking. He knows he has a problem......

I let his drinking bother me. Sometimes I have no where in the house to go and if I do go into another room he follows me and agrivates me.

My daughter & Son-inlaw & grandaughter moved out after living with us for 6 years and the first 3 years of my garndaughters life. They got to see us in action so it's not really anything different now with them gone.....Except last night....

Ya see a few weeks ago our septic was backing up, so I could not do laundry until it got emptied. I also had an ant issue in my kitchen....little sugar ants were coming out of the walls...ugh and on top of that I had no transportation to go grocery shopping or make his lunch.or dinner....this night I called him on his way homw from work and asked him to pick up a few things we were out of because I had no way to go to the store..I also asked for a loaf of bread and hot dogs for dinner, something simple......he seemed fine.....after being home several hours and drinking...well he was not fine...He was angry because I did not cook dinner...instead it was hotdogs and he was upset because he said there was no clean clothes BUT he did not open his drawers to check...he had 6 pairs of pants all clean... he was upset because his lunch was not made and coffee was not set for him and the guys he car pools with told him ...he should kick me to the curb...I was hurt and angry for the way he was treating me...more a servant to wait on him hand and foot.
Since the kids moved out...this house is spotless, you can eat off the floors. All the laundry is done, lunches are made, coffee is set, dinner is made before he gets home...
Last night, after drinking was finally over he sat to eat around 8:30pm and I was walking from the kitchen to see rice and other food all over the carpet, he just dumped it on the carpet for the dog to I said You can vaccum because I have been trying really hard to keep this house clean and if you want to live like a pig then oh well.....Well that was not good to say..he blew up big time getting in my face, screaming at me, throwing the vaccum then picking up his plate of food and acting like he was going to throw it in my face...trying to take the only car we have and thank god the keys were not in it...I am tired and tired of going through this walking on eggshells never knowing what to expect when he gets home from work and how much he has drank and hid just to have more and think I don't know about it. I love him but NOT the drunk, intoxicated we are the house to ourselves and ..well no change is no change..I have really no where to go, no where to stay and I am seriously thinking about checking out a womens shelter...starting totally from nothing...I have nothing...I am so freaking unsure what to do or who even to talk to. I am very depressed.
springboks1994 responded:
I am a male and have to say his actions are appaling, I suffer from chronic pain and it is very hard to not be depressed but i do my best never to let it effect my home life, I am not sure what I can do to offer support other than letting you know you are in my thoughts and prayers, men usually refer to alcohol when they are depressed or have an issue they cannot work through, i prefer to simple have a glass of wine because the problem cannot be solved with alcohol, I am not sure on your eating habibts but it is really important to eat health, it is not expensive to eat salad and veggies but they help, its also important to excerise even if you only do this for yourself, it sounds like a very volotile situation if possible you can hopefully talk to him while is sober and see if he is open to some sort of help, maybe going to a good Church may help, people can change it happens all the time but you need to also work on your depression, it would be much easier on you if he was supportive.
God Bless.
raerob replied to springboks1994's response:
Thank you for your response and for your Prayers. My husband did say he was sorry and he had a lot of stress at work and he took it our on me and he felt better....ughhhh

He did not drink last night. I think he is depressed and I realize it's how he copes but as much as he consumes and his behaviors with it are taking a toll on me.I worry about him. I want him in my life, for him it's definately people, places & things. I believe he may need professional help. I can only Pray because truly I know "I am powerless and cannot control other adults"
As far as any type of medical help that may be out there, we are stuck for now without health insurance. My husbands job requires him to work 1200 hours from Aug-July in order for health insurance to be effective in July. So......we just don't accumulate more bills that we cannot pay.
As for me, yes I need to focus on me, eat better & exercise. I have had a hard time doing this because of being so down and having feelings sometimes of just not caring.....but I truly do care. It's been very difficult to go anywhere because of transportation. I get out maybe once a week and only to go grocery shopping and maybe I get to see my mom.
As I write you, it makes me realize just how down I have been and I am trying to pull myself up.
I have to remember this....

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil 4:13

My name is Robin, again thank you for your thoughts and Prayers and for just caring.

rohvannyn replied to raerob's response:
Always remember, you deserve good treatment. What he is doing to you is abuse. Whether he apoloizes or not, whether you love him or not, it is abuse. You do not have to be treated this way. I am sure you have told him to stop, but continue to do so. Be gentle but direct, if possible. His alcoholism is a problem, so is the stress from his job, but as an adult he needs to handle it better if he wants to be your husband.

Don't give up. There is hope. There is even hope if he loves you enough to try to get well... there are often free and low cost counselors. Check with your church. IAA is also free and might be a good fit. Call your local crisis line if nothing else, they may have good suggestions. Hang in there, and see if you can talk with him about it on one of the "good days." If you ever feel yourself in danger, get out of there if you need to.

You are worth something. You deserve good treatment.

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