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girlfriend to an incomplete quadriplegic
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An_251363 posted:
2 years ago i started working for a 50 year old quadriplegic. We soon realized we had alot in common, but he was in the middle of a divorce after 20 years. He was/is a composer/piano player, so losing the use of his hands just as he's career was about to take a drastic turn was to say the least devastating, then the wife left, he had to move out of his house and sever depression set in. He is still able to play, but nothing like he use to, and has since put out 2 new CDs. Our relationship moved to another level about 9 months ago. For the first 3 months it was amazing, but then depression once again set in and it has been a major struggle just to know where i stand. I tried to leave but he is so dependent on me that I believe he panicked and begged me to come back. He says he loves me, is in love with me, and the thought of my leaving scares him, but do i stay knowing he only needs me and not want me anymore. I loves this man with all my heart but the mixed messages he sends me is exhausting. I don't know what to do. Sex was amazing, and we both were surprised that it could even happen, as he had tried before me and it was to physically painful for him. He thought he was done but then i came along and it was magical. Now he says he just can't do it anymore. but can't really explain why, at least none that make any sense. I know what he is capable of and what he is saying just doesn't make any sense. We both state that the other is our best friend, but I don't want to go backwards and it feels like he does. I am tired of feeling needed but not wanted. I am desperate for advice. I am 55 years old and lost my husband 4 years ago. I never thought i would be able to give my heart to anyone again, but i did and now I am almost regretting it. Please Help!!!!!!!
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rohvannyn responded:
Sounds like the root of it all is his perfectly understandable depression. That can make even positive things seem very hard to do. If he is willing to work on that, then I'd say there is hope. The Relationships and Coping community might have some ideas for you too.
 
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peppermintpattie replied to rohvannyn's response:
I couldn't agree more, depression. My heart goes out to him as he is a wonderful person with an amazin heart. I really wished there was a support group that i could talk to. It would help to be able to talk one on one with someone who is going thru the same emotions as i am. I know one of my problems is i have never seen the chair, I always treated him as a normal man. But the chair is there and I need to realize that he is different and fragile, but it will never take away the incredible love i hold for him. Leaving is not an option, so i will just march on as best as i can do and know that Gods' got this one. Thanks for listening. Your an Angel


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