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help me
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hopeless2013 posted:
I know its not normal to feel the way i do. I wake up and want to go back to sleep because i can't deal with the anxiety of the day. I get so stressed and that causes me to be depressed . I feel I can't do anything right. I hate my liffe and i think about dying all the time . THe only thing thats stops me is my faith in god and my husband and mom . I knowthey would be hurt if I was gone . I hate the way I am and tired every med possibly. I feel hopelesss and also because i don't do much and use food ans an outlet i gained weight and can't stand to look at my self in the mirror . even my husband tells i'm beatuiful i don't feel it . I hate putting my husband and mom through al my pain. But i don't how to feel anything else. I'm almost 30 years and have already dealt with depression since i was 12 years old . I feel like i don't want i'm sick of dealing with and don't to live the rest of my adult life like this . Help me someone cause i feel alone in the way i think.
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raerob responded:
Hi, I am sorry that you are going through this. I have been there. Just a couple days ago I posted and I wish I could delete it because I feel embarrassed. I almost took my life this past July. My sister from another state called me because she had a vision.
She said she seen me standing all alone and all these hands were grabbing at my leggs trying to pull me down. She talked me into going to visit her. I did, she reintroduced me to Church, to God and something called Celebrate Recovery.

I found that Celebrate Recovery also known as CR. Is a program for anyone that suffers from a "Hurt, Habit, or a hangup" which henders our walk with God. This program is free and I found to be a great support group with men and womens groups. If you look up Celebrate Recovery, find your state and then you may be able to find locations around you and possibly go. It helped me, I never felt better BUT then I kind of let my bottom fall out again.I have been down since October. In a way it was my fault I guess. Ya see I lost my transportation, so I did not want to put anyone out and I started falling back into my old patterns and getting more and more depressed and isolated. I am hoping my vehicle issue will change and then I will return. I still don't want to call anyone for a ride. I live 30 minutes away from the city which most go to and my local church has info for this program but no one to run it. I have not even been to Church because of transportation. I maybe get out once a week or once everyother week. I have suffered with depression for many years. I believe for me some of it has to do with tramatic events for me. I wish I could just snap out of it and boy I have even been told this before by some. I even had a sister tell me to get a backbone.....
I too hate being like this BUT like I said I do know the best I have ever felt is when I was going to CR. I felt like a butterfly emerging from its cacoon. I was socializing. I felt like I had friends. I was active. I even was excited to learn more so that maybe one day I could help run this program in my Church.

I am 47/ female/married/2 adult married daughters and 2 beautiful grandaughters. I know I have a lot to be happy about, a lot to be thankful about, I also know how hard it is when I am down to think positive. I am too busy being down and always questioning, what's wrong with me. I have those ups and downs. Please know one thing, you are not alone. Please know, I care. Sometimes I wish I had someone to actually talk to

I Pray that maybe this will help you. I am working on transportation for myself. I want to get back into this program. It's the only thing that ever made me feel so great.
 
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hopeless2013 replied to raerob's response:
thankyou for your reply raerob. it help me realize that i'm not alone and someone else feels the way i do. i pray for you too and your depression and i hope you can get transportion to get out more. tahnk you again. hopeless2013
 
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khora responded:
Hey,

I'm so sorry you feel this way. It sounds really stressful and frustrating. I went through something similar. At one point I was so upset I did not leave my bed for a week and a half, and I barely ate.

I'm able to get through the day more and more often without having a total breakdown more often these days. What helped me was seeing a therapist who does something "cognitive behavioural therapy." She told me it's actually the only therapy that's scientifically proven to work - apparently it works even better if you're taking medication during the course of therapy as well. I'd strongly recommend seeing a therapist for CBT, because it changed my life. If you can't get to a therapist just yet, I have found that there are some good books on CBT as well. One of them is called "beat the blues before they beat you." You can get it cheap on amazon. It gives you practical ideas for understanding your depression and dealing with it. Another good one is "Mind Over Mood." Just remember, you haven't tried everything -- you just need to find the right combination of therapy for yourself.

Wish you all the best!

Khora


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