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sad and stressed
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An_251489 posted:
I am sad all the time. I worry about everything and never seem able to cheer up or do what I feel is expected of me at home. There is a lot of tension at home along with lots of stress. I live with my boyfriend of 13 years and 2 children. Last month, my 16 year old daughter tried to commit suicide. She said she is stressed out about school, trying to stay on the honor roll and be everything every one expects her to be. She also said she is tired of the fighting and yelling at home. I totally blame myself. I feel like a bad mom for allowing things at home to get so bad. there's no physical abuse; however, my boyfriend does use anger as a defense mechanism so he doesn't feel vulnerable. I use sarcasm, neither are healthy ways to deal with things. I should be able to fix things at home and make sure every one is happy and I can't. Intellectually, I know that I can't really fix things for other people, but emotionally I feel like I should be able to, especially for my children and boyfriend. My daughter and boyfriend don't always get along now and it really stresses me out. I find myself blaming him (never out loud) for things at home and trying to explain why he gets so angry all the time. My younger daughter has a hard time making friends and has a learning disability, I also blame myself. While my older daughter was in the hospital we went to a few family therapy sessions. The therapist said she was surprised I haven't been treated for depression/anxiety. We are supposed to continue with therapy, but I don't have insurance and can't afford to pay out of pocket. I have been reading self help books. I haven't tried any medication yet but am considering it. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to and really open up to about all my feelings and fears. I feel like my boyfriend doesn't really understand how I'm feeling and I have a really hard time talking to him. Sometimes when we argue I just shut up because I can't make him understand me, then he gets frustrated and says things that hurt my feelings. Sometimes I scratch myself as a way to let the pain out. I don't know what to do. I worry that I'll never be happy and will lose my family. Any advice for where to turn? anything would help.
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raerob responded:
First of all, I am sorry for what you are going through. I am not so sure that you will get the help you need from this site. Ya see, it's supposed to be here for help. I see so many people that write some really deep stuff, myself included and NO comments at all. Where is the help??? Where is the support??? I am thinking it's more of a joke!!!

If you do not have insurance, check your state for family & children services. They have all kinds of programs and may give you a sliding fee or may not charge you at all. It's worth it to check it out.

I too feel lonely if that is even the correct word to use. I feel like I have no one to talk to, no one that understands.

I don't have insurance either, atleast not until July.I do not have transportation either, at this time, so I can't escape. I am trying to hold out because there are things we cannot afford out of pocket. On top of my depression, I have not been feeling well....health wise aswell. I am scared at times but then I am so up and down at times I don't care but I do, if that makes sense. I feel helpless, sad, depressed, lonely, angry, tired and everyday I feel sick and I am crying at one point or another....sorry I meant to be helpful to you. I did not mean to vent.

I wish you the very best.
 
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