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Back from Long Ago
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TBsdotter posted:
Many years ago I was a part of this community and found great comfort and advice. I turn to you folks now because I'm concerned for my significant other. He battles with anger and lately I've found that it effects me as well.

The anger is not directed at me but it is very present. He is going through some past issues and I support him for doing so but I'm concerned about it's effect on me.

I've been diagnosed with and battled with depression for 17 years. I have gone through therapy, meditation and tried nearly every anti-depressant on the market. I have finally found one that works for me and my life over the last two years has finally started to feel normal.

I have come a long way for myself and I worry now that I may 'relapse' because of my empathy for J.

I don't know how to control that. My empathy I mean. I've found my emotions to be all over the place lately and yes, I can chalk some of that up to being a woman but I just don't feel like me.

I yelled at someone yesterday-felt my adrenaline pump and my hands shake with anger and I NEVER get angry.

I came home from work yesterday and sat on the couch eating chocolate and watching television until I went to bed and then slept for nearly 10 hours. In the past, these were signs of my depression rearing it's ugly head.

I guess my question or concern is...how do I know if it's my depression or pms or just a 'bad day'? Does it matter? Is it all the same? How can I make it just...stop?

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now and am certainly in no position to want to be supportive to someone who's mood alters my own.

One of the most helpful parts for me about this forum is that I never felt alone. Is there anyone that can relate to what I've described? I can't tal to my friends or coworkers-not because they wouldn't be sympathetic but because I don't know how to explain my feelings to them in a way they might understand.

I am enjoying my new relationship and don't want to see it end because of my emotions. I like my job, the relationship with my family...on the surface, things should be fine but it so often seems that when you have depression...nothing really ever is.
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rohvannyn responded:
From what I've seen/read/heard/experienced, you will know it's a relapse by the severity and duration of your feelings. Everybody has bad days now and again so that might be it. The stress of worrying about a relapse could cause problems too! I completely understand where you are coming from.

I have an issue with empathy as well. I haven't yet figured out how to distance myself enough from the other person so as not to have my mood totally go down the toilet when they are feeling bad, and yet still be able to care enough to want to help them. It's always too far in one direction or the other. Either I let their bad mood bring me down a whole bunch because I identify too much with them, or I am really cold and uncaring out of a desire not to be in pain. The happy medium... if you can find it, you will be happy, but wow is it hard to find!


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