Guilt Tripping Myself
avatar
rosedaug91 posted:
Hi guys, I've never tried anything like this before but I wondered if maybe a community like this would be more helpful than my current plan of action (talking with my non-depressed loved ones who don't understand/occasionally don't seem to care).

I have been EXTREMELY depressed lately. So much so that I called a suicide hotline this morning. I'm currently in a student teaching program and am trying to job hunt, so I have been under quite a bit of stress. A midst all the school work I had to do, I went to a job fair yesterday. I carry myself fairly confident in person and felt okay about these interviews - until people began being hired on the spot. I was not one of them, and one of my best friends was (who is also an aforementioned loved one who doesn't seem to "get" mental health issues). She was upset that I did no acknowledge her success, but her receiving a job when I received only bad news made me feel unqualified and awful. Her telling me about how she was upset just sent me into a whirlpool of guilt. I truly believe I am an awful person.

Am I being selfish here? What can I possibly do to keep all of my emotions straight and keep up with everything I have to do?

Things are, of course, much more complicated than simply this situation with my friend. I am just absolutely depressed right now and feel like I have nowhere else to go.
Reply
 
avatar
rohvannyn responded:
Welcome. Thanks for posting here! I hope you find work soon. Your friend thinks you are being selfish, whish may be the case, but isn't she being selfish too? After all, she's the one with the job offer here! It's rather undestandable to feel the way you do. I don't think you are an awful person for feeling that way. But don't let it defeat you. Look for other opportunities, look for ways to improve, maybe even ask her if there is something she could tell you about how she got the job. Like, how did she answer their questions? Maybe you can find another opportunity. In the meantime, here's a big internet hug for you.