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    Worried I'm getting worse
    avatar
    Smrfk posted:
    I am 37 years old, and have had MDD my whole life. I have been taking meds for ten years (my parents wouldn't medicate me, and it took that long for me to get my own insurance), and gone through your typical stages of having Prozac not work anymore, upping the dosage, switching meds, etc. etc. I'm now on Lexapro, which I like mostly. I am also on Topamax, because my psychiatrist said he was worried about my weight and it can make you eat less, plus I told him I have anger issues and he seemed to think its mood stabilizing would help with that. I also have a script for Valium if I get too excited - I have major rage issues that I can't control sometimes. All this is known about me - but here's the thing. I never told my doctor - because I'm ashamed - but I have kleptomania. I steal things and don't even remember doing it. I also have had a few dissociative episodes when I get very stressed out - not feeling like my life is my own, that kind of thing. I have a history of self-medicating with drugs and heavy drinking, but the Topamax made alcohol taste bad for a while, so I quit drinking as much. Now it's worn off and I have been going off the wagon and doing impulsive things, especially sexually. I have never once thought of hurting myself, but I am concerned - does is sound like I might have more than just depression? I know I have a problem with abusing alcohol, but I am usually in control of it. Or should I try different meds again? Is uncontrollable rage a symptom of MDD or is that something else? Thanks for any help anyone can give me.


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