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Don't know what to do
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scarletveins posted:
I've been depressed for 2 years now. It was severe from the start, suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I don't remember any "trigger" like a traumatic event, I don't even remember how it started. I just know that I've never been really actually happy and one day I decided to act upon it in the form of self-mutilation. I've never talked to a counselor about it, I'm too anxious to reveal my feelings to someone in that situation. There's one person in my life that I've told, but it only hurts more because they care about me and want to see me better. I don't know if I want to get better. As wrong and unhealthy as the place I am in now is, I'm accustomed to it, it's become the norm for me. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Most days I wake up crying because I'm so upset that I've actually woken up. And there are times I feel so lost and confused and helpless and alone that I wander my house crying, not sure what I'm doing or what I want to do. Each time it's so sudden and intense, with no identifiable cause...at all. Constantly, I feel this up and down. I just don't know where to go now or what to do.
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