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    Depressed firefighter Husband
    avatar
    sem710 posted:
    My husband battles with depression and typically "pull himself out of it" his words without medication. During Christmas his depression started up and it keeps getting worse.My husband is a Firefighter with a city that recently lost 2 ff and 2 are injured. The last 3 months have been extremely hard with all of the losses. 17 first responders in 3 months thats a bit much and all in Texas. He says that he has dealt with their lose.

    He is hates coming home. He does not sleep in the same bed anymore. We have started marriage counseling but now he wont go. We don't talk anymore and when we do he is short with me and mean.
    With other people he is fine and nice.


    I need to know if he is grieving / depressed /survivors guilt or if our marriage is just doomed. I'm trying to stay in there and get thru this rough spot, but I just need to help.
    What do I do to help him?
     
    avatar
    raerob responded:
    My husband, daughter & son-in-law are all volunteer firfighters interior and exterior. Being in this line effects you mentally and emotionally. There are events and scenes that will always be with them. In tramatic cases all fire departments offer counseling though they are only encouraged to attend. I believe a lot suffer from ptsd but most would never admit it maybe because they are afraid it shows some type of weakness in their own minds. I believe mu husband suffers from depression. He'd never admit it, one of his famous sayings is ' mind over matter' ' shake it off'. we have been together 24 years it's a rollercoaster ride. I know quite a few of the men in our department are drinkers this only makes things worse. I am in your situation, I realize I can't change him. I realize I need help for me and I by taking the steps I need to will only help me get better and stronger. I want my marriage to work just like you. Take care of yourself as I say this I need to listen to myself and follow my own suggestion. I have a tough time focusing on positive when everything feels so negative. I feel like I have no one, I feel alone and that not many people understand me.
     
    avatar
    raerob replied to raerob's response:
    My husband is great with other people and would jump to help anyone. In my situation though I feel like I am the last person he is there for. Someone once told me ' you can't help someone who's not willing to help themselves'..... I so want to help my husband, his drinking is killing him and our marriage. I feel selfish in a way but how can I help anyone if I can't help myself. Maybe we have to focus on ourselves first. I am sorry for everything you both are going through. You are not alone. Do you have any type of support system, anyone you trust and can talk to about anything? I feel as though I do not, so here I am on webmd talking to strangers and hiding behind a fake name. I tend to express myself maybe too honestly from my heart and I wear my emotions on my sleeve. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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