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Living with depressed husband
An_252237 posted:
I need some advice please. My husband and I have been going through a very rough time and trying to find our way back. He has suffering from depression for some time now and resorts to the use of alcohol. It has gotten much worse lately and I had to make him leave the house because I don't want the negativity around our children. We still see each other and talk, but sometimes he just is angry and says very hurtful things and argue. He has just went to the doctor and put him on medication but I know it will take a while for it to begin to work and see changes. My question is this, how do I show him the support he needs while he is staying somewhere else? When should I allow him to come home again and how do I get over the angry and hurt that the depression and alcohol have caused?!
djwm1963 responded:
While the basis of the issue I'm dealing with, depressed husband, is identical to many of these posts, I also have a very unique situation. My husband has been depressed for several years now, off and on. He has his Masters Degree in Psychology -- that's where the problem begins because he believes he can fix this himself. Everything that he used to enjoy, is gone. Intimacy has completely stopped. Socialization is a bare minimum. He doesn't eat. His sleeping pattern is crazy - sometimes he sleeps 12 hours. He refuses any type of medical treatment of any kind. Will not even go to the doctor to find out if there is a physical reason, vitamin deficiency, hormone imbalance, etc. I have tried every form of emotion to try to get him to understand that he needs help and no matter how I approach him (sadness, anger, honesty, understanding) he still refuses. For a long time, I tried to keep this issue between us. Finally, I've reached out to my family and his daughters. Unbeknownst to me, they have noticed his behavior changes for years. He has disconnected from almost everyone that cares about him. I'm so frustrated with him that this is taking it's toll on our marriage. I'm worried that there come a day when I become indifferent and stop trying to help him and walk out the door. I know that if I do that, he will completely shut down even more and be so broken hearted that he will never recover. How long can a person stay in a relationship like this? How long I am expected to "hang in there"? I know giving him ultimatums will not work, but I'm at that point. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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