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New feeling self-pity
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jengat43 posted:
Hi everyone. I'm new today. I need to find out how I can help myself.


First off, please don't suggest medical help. I have no insurance and limited financial resources. I also do not take medications. I try to live as naturally as possible.

I hate being so needy. I have to be honest with myself though...I am needy. I am uncontrollably sad. I have no interest in my husband. I'm jealous of him. We live in his "hometown". I moved here 15 years ago. All of the people I know are HIS friends. Everywhere we turn...there is one of HIS friends or an ex-girlfriend of his. He has friends....he does things that he loves with his friends. I feel like I have nothing.

My husband says I just need to do something I like to do. He'll watch the kids if I want to go do something.

Problem is....I don't know what I like doing. That only makes me sadder.

I don't know what to do.
Reply
 
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rohvannyn responded:
Hi there, and welcome!

Depression is a nasty thing because it can rob the joy of even the things you normally like to do. So when someone says "what would you like to do?" that can be paralyzing. Not sure to what to say about figuring out what you do want to do, other than scanning event schedules, surfing the net, or picking something out online. Is there anything you always wanted to study but never made the time for?

It is a good idea to do something just for yourself, but difficult at times to get started. The best way I know of doing this is to find something that turns your focus outward rather than inward. I don't know about you, but the more I brood about what is wrong in my life, the worse I get, until I am in a downward spiral of depression. The only thing that helps is turning outward. Even if it's just listening to a song you really like, or taking a walk, little steps at first.

Keep reaching out here. We're glad to have you.
 
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meow0730 responded:
I'm in the same boat. I can't take medications because I'm trying for a baby. One of the things I've read is that changing your diet can help. There are specific foods that are supposed to be helpful for depression. Unfortunately that option hasn't been helpful to me for various reasons but that doesn't mean it might not help you.
 
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Yates176 responded:
This may seem rude, but I have been there myself.

You have no choice but to seek professional help. You ARE depressed! A professional will give you the 'tools' you need to help yourself, that don't have to be meds. Why put yourself and family through this? Most places have sliding scales for payments and can even help with RX samples. It's only money.
 
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Liamma responded:
How about volunteering. Helping others is always a feel good booster. And who knows where that will lead you. New friends for one and maybe even a new purpose.
 
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Unemployed responded:
Hello, I'm going to lakeside Behavior Health care, I have the same problem! Call them and ask them when the next time they have finical appointment. Do you have Income? you don't need any!!! Good luck, best wishes! Mercy dr. Sign, Unemployed!
 
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Celica53 responded:
Hi jengat43!
Here's a suggestion, think back to a time when you did enjoy yourself. Who were you with? What did you do? I did this and found somewhere along the way I lost "who I was". I then went looking at old photos and enjoyed the memories, though sad I "lost them". I reconnected with some of those old friends, searching through the internet, and did some of the things I liked doing. Its a start and it kept me busy.
Do you have a university nearby? Master level psychology Students often have to practice their skills and they are very good. I did this too. It really helped.
You are stepping out and that is wonderful. Best Wishes. You can make it happen. Focus on you. You are a very important person.
 
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An_252530 responded:
Jengat43: I hope that you continue to read the posts here and find some comfort. The first paragraph you wrote listed all sorts of things you won't or can't do. Perhaps you can begin to think of the reasons why you are limiting your possibilities. I'm not meaning to be insensitive to you. Quite the contrary. I'd like to ask you the hard questions in hopes that you may begin to think a little differently. The old adage comes to mind; if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
I think, based on what you've written that you've lost yourself. It stands to reason that you don't know what you like doing if you do not know who you are. And what an exploration that can be! You aren't who you were 5, 10 or 15 years ago. So find out WHO that person is....Stop putting so much concentration into your husband and what he does, who his friends are, what he loves doing. You're going to burden him and I don't think that's what you have in mind. Read something, listen to music, create something for starters. You may find something you really like to do. As someone else suggested, do something for someone else. In other words, begin to examine things, people, places. We all are given a certain amount of time. We don't have forever. I wish the best for you. I want you to find peace. I believe you can do this. You got this far--meaning, you're here and you stated how you feel and what your thoughts are. Take the next step with action--find something just for you. I truly hope that you can and will. I wish you all the best.
 
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lparker1 responded:
I hope you're still checking replies even though you posted two months ago. I'm in a similar situation financially and in terms of using food as medicine. So, now you know that first of all, you are not alone.

As for nutritional therapies for depression, there are a couple of things that have shown high success rates and I've had good luck with them myself. If you're willing to take St. John's Wort, that can be helpful (takes a few weeks to really be effective but it does work) and niacin (vitamin B3). You can look up the foods that are high in vitamin B and just eat more of the ones you already enjoy. I've recently opted to add a B-Complex vitamin because I simply don't get enough from my food. Cashews are supposed to be high in B3 and I throw nutritional yeast into any dish I can since it's got TONS of B in it.

When it comes to activities and finding happiness outside of yourself, the first thing to figure out is whether you're an extrovert or an introvert. If you're an extrovert, you'll likely find activities that involve other people most beneficial. I like the idea of volunteering, though in my city, it's been strangely difficult to find opportunities due to high unemployment rates. I find that even little things like going grocery shopping (without my kids) and engaging in conversation with the cashier can really be helpful. Introverts tend to find happy places in quieter and more private places. I can't give you any suggestions more specific though. I'm an extrovert, clearly.

If you can afford to take a class, lots of communities have adult ed classes that aren't too expensive. Maybe try an art class or language. Even if something is just the tiniest bit interesting, check it out; you never know where you can find joy.

Good luck with everything


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