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Going Through a Hard Time
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An_252484 posted:
I'm wanting to post a discussion to see if there's anyone out there with the same feelings as me. I'm going through a rough patch in my life at the moment. I recently lost my job and got dumped by my boyfriend of a couple of years in the same week. My boyfriend dumping me came at a total shock. Everything was going fine, but he basically gave me an "it's not you, it's me" line, so that meant it was me. We had all these plans. We were going to move to a new city. He told me he didn't want to make new memories with me. I felt as if he ripped my heart out and threw it into a dumpster. I asked if he was even sad. He said yes, but he's the type that shows no emotion and it killed me. I feel rejected, worthless, hurt, and nervous. I feel foolish to think everything was okay and yet little did I know bam! no job, bam! no boyfriend.


Before my job and my boyfriend, I had real low self-esteem. I started to gain confidence with myself and was finally feeling good in my own skin. But that all came crashing down. I ask why did this happen and came to the conclusion that I'm not good enough. I work hard and am a loyal employee and I'm an amazing girlfriend, well at least I thought I was. But no one wants me. I feel useless, unimportant, and the worse of it to me, is unloved. I feel like nothing is real anymore. I don't care about anything anymore. All I do is cry. My stomach cramps and I feel like vomiting. I have little to no appetite and I see no end this sadness I have. I haven't made an effort to contact my family because I'm too ashamed of all that has happened to me. I don't want them to see me as a failure or pry into too much because I know it will make everything worse. At the same time, I feel terrible for just ignoring everyone. I'm usually a tidy person and now I don't care. I don't care how my house looks. I don't care if I'm a slob. No one wants me, so why bother doing anything.


I've had bouts of depression in my life. They come and go. And it could be years in between each time. This time is probably the worst bout of depression I've had. I've never been in this state before. I've never been in physical pain nor numb with emotion. I've never cried every day for 2 weeks straight or not eaten over the sadness.I did seek help. I can't deal with this alone. It's that much worse alone. I found a therapist and I go to her every week. I still feel depressed but it is helping reduce the intensity of it. I just want to be happy again. I want to not feel like a waste of space. I don't want to be rejected anymore.


I know this is a long spiel of my problems. I apologize. Is there anyone out there going through or have gone through a similar situation? Is there a possibility of happiness? Will I ever recover? I feel really hopeless at the moment.
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Go2World responded:
Dear An_252484,

I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now! I am so glad that you have at least tried reaching out to your therapist. I have never been in a relationship with a guy, but everything else I can relate to in your post. All of this is not your fault, it is stupid depression knocking at your door again. I would encourage you to try finding a psychiatrist too. Medications really can make a difference and can help you get to the point where you have the physical and emotional and mental energy to fight through this thing. Take care of yourself first, worry about dealing with family and everyone else later. That's my two cents for what little it is worth. Praying for you cause depression sucks!
 
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shmo28 replied to Go2World's response:
Thank you so much for replying to my post. Just hearing from someone else is nice. And thank you for the advice. Slowly but surely, right? I just want to feel like I felt once before. I just want to feel like things are okay again. I want to be happy, but it seems like it'll never come.


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