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Daughter
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An_202961 posted:
Me and my family faced a problem of loosing wife/mother in may 2009.
I and oldier daughter are recovering, but the younger daughter (11y.o.) is in deprresion.
My wife is diagnosed with metastatic brest cancer in year 2000(younger was only 1,5 y.o.), and despite all efforts, and support from doctors, family, frends it has spred to bones, liver and lung in year 2005. By that time it was obvious that she is loosing, and she becomes also psichologically very critical. At that time she started to hate me, and she announced me guilty for her conditions, eventhough I hve been fighting for her.
I had never enough power to fight againist this declaration.
Since she passed away the younger daughter is in a depresion. She is always alone at home, carlles for everything except for a school. She is excellent student , and the only think she is taking care is her homework.
The frequency of her attacks is 2-3 times a week. By the crisis she is throwing a thinks, shouting, sometime hiting her self in head, and already three times she anounced that she will make suicide by nife.
During this time i ussually stay quite. After that she is normal. By last attack , I was nervos and we started fighting, during which she anounced me guilty for the death of her mother. The wording was exactly the same like the wording of my wife.
I am the only person she is attacking and she has diffcaulties to talk. All my free time I am staying with her trying to talk about the problem in relaxed atmosphere. I am taking care about her like it never happens something beetwen us.
I visited phisiciatrist, made appointment but she refused to go. She has a problem with endocrine gland diagnosed before 4 years.
Please advice me what to do in order to help her to overcome this crisis. Does we need to make a changes, to move? Do I can stay with her or it will be better that she stays with relatives? Do I need to take her to the doctor even by force?
Regards,
S. M.
Sarajevo, Bosnia.
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kindnesshelps responded:
Welcome to our support group. You are not alone in your grief and confusion.

I agree she needs to be seen by a psychiatrist for care. Her behavior and feelings are out of control and very serious.

She also needs for you, her dad, to be in control again. Perhaps you can make another appointment with the psychiatrist, and then ask your most trusted friends and family to be with you when you talk with her about going to the appointment. Everyone can let her know they understand how she feels but that she needs to go to get help.

They can let her know they are going to help you make sure she goes for care. If she sees you all together, she may give up trying to be in control of everything and give in. She also might put up one heck of a fight but hopefully it will be a short one and she will calm down once she sees that you all mean it and she is going one way or another.

There must be some grief support groups and/or counselling available in your area. Maybe that would be a good place for you, and maybe for her too, to get some help in getting your lives back on track.

You have been going through such high stress for so long. And it's all very complicated.

I think if you moved or had her go stay with someone else, it would only make her feel more isolated and abandoned. It won't change her behavior at all and might even make her worse. She still won't be getting the kind of help she needs, and you will still feel out of control and at a loss.

I hope these ideas are helpful. Take care of yourselves.


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