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servervirus posted:
I suffer from depression and anxiety disorder. I have gone to weekly counseling and it sure helped. Since then, I
still suffer and have major relaspes very often. Thought of suicide many times but then I think of my children
and the thoughts subside. I do believe that my wife would have a better life without me but also do not want her
to suffer with greif. Depression is a roller coaster for me. I have highs as well as lows, the highs simply dont last
long and the lows last for days. It sure seems to me to be an uncontrollable chemical inbalance
in the brain, during my extreme lows I cant think about any one thing for more than a few seconds. Other than
alcohol I am drug free and actual scared to try meds for this as I have been prescribed but I never filled the
prescrption. I feel like a loser, yet I have been financial stable up until recently and that is partly do to our
economy and government but that is for another story.
Now for the tips from someone that suffers from severe depression. Communication is the best medicine.
Talk to your loved one, make sure they know that you are with them for the ride, even if in reality if there is no
long term improvement you may move on.
Have a family meeting to make sure that the children understand what depression and/or anxiety disorders
are and ensure the children have daily conversations with the depressed family member like a simple phone
call or have everyone sit down at dinner.
Help structure and organize the depressed's calender in most aspects of life. Set up bill management, to do
lists (keep them light and able to see an end), and an activity for them such as encouraging them to play a team
sport, bowl, shoot, archery, or what ever they might like and this should be on a league so it is something for
them to look forward to on a weekly basis. A trip planned far out will alson add something to look forward to for
a long term even if it just camping at a local campgroung for a couple of nights, money does not have to be
much of an issue here. Simply put this on an easy to follow calender and have them help with it as this is a
partnership just like family is. Structure is huge as most depressed people are or become very disorganized and
don't feel that they will ever become structured again.
If financial stress is a big part of the issue help them create a resume and locate potential jobs. A start of
this can be big boost to esteem, keep in mind that you will have to be very strong and supportive when and if
they do not get a certain job as it can be very demoralizing as well. Ensure to encourage them no matter what
and keep looking, use newspapers, websites, and especially word of mouth through friends, church, etc... Do
yourself a favor here and buy or get a book called "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey, check with
your library. Do not give up!
Physical Fitness, simply put, the better the depressed feels of themselves the less depression they will suffer.
Add a day or two at the gym added to the calender or a walk, bike ride etc
This one is essential for a spouse's esteem, romantic interludes. Feeling desired is big, big, big. Not only
that, there chemical reaction in the brain during and after will overpower and submit the depression for a good
while. This is recommended at least weekly but the more the better. I know that many of you will have to work
at this as the hormones may not be there, but try a toy or videos to help. Book a cheap hotel if you can get an
evening away. Ask yourself, was your spouse depressed when the relationship was hot and fresh? Likely, the
depression set in after children and a lack of hormones and privacy that you used to have. Follow this up with
hand holding and at least daily smooches as the physical contact alone will also override the depression at
least for a while. The thoughts of suicide or just running away come with a long time of the depression
symptoms with little or no distraction from them.
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servervirus responded:
I could add so much more but out of time and characters now.
Gargesale responded:
I am a 65 year old with severe, chronic depression. I have struggled all my life with productive highs and really horrible lows. About 20 years ago I started going through several different medications until I finally found the right one. I went through several bouts of self-medicating with alcohol. That only made the depression worse. I've been on the same meds for several years and the worst is pretty much over. I had to be very persistant about finding the right meds, but it's paid off. I would rather take a pill everyday then go through those lows again. There are no easy answers to depression and it's treatment. But you need to hang in there, there is hope. Never forget that. Hope springs eternal. If you are a reader, read anything you can find about how other people have/have not dealt with their depression. You are not alone. Having a partner is good but depression can ruin relationships. You will always have the depression but there's a lot of help out there. Just keep trying!
InPainandnosleep replied to Gargesale's response:
Garagesale...thank u very much for your words. I've been dealing with depression for along time and have managed to stay drug and alcohol free. However, the depression has done a great deal of harm to my relationship with my wife and my son. What keeps me going is my son and my wife but its been really hard on my wife and our relationship is and has been failing for some time. I'm on medication but i feel the same...hopeless. I'm tried different medications without success and contemplating changing my doctor. Your words, there is hope, was something i really needed to hear at this time and just wanted to say thank you and i wish you well in your struggle.
life2010 responded:
Thanks for this it is helpful to know/see how others are trying to cope
servervirus replied to Gargesale's response:
Thanks Garagesale for your reply. It is very good to hear from someone who has had gone through this for a long time and I am happy to hear your results, both for you and me. It does give me a better sense of hope and I sure it will to others that read this as well.
servervirus replied to InPainandnosleep's response:
Remember the things you used to do in your relationship when times were good? Periodically do them again starting with those that dont require any input from her like flowers. Try making her a nice suprise dinner, call her out of the blue just to say hello, set up that cheap weekend away camping or at a motel. Rekindle by starting small, just like building a fire.

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