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Newbie - needs support
Sk8trmom posted:
I am a 41 year old mother of one and recently retired. All of my life I have constantly struggled with my weight. My husband accepts me for who I am but I think that also enables me to continue gaining the weight. I am 5'5" and weigh 200 lbs. This is what I weighed when I was pregnant 17 years ago. My goal weight is 150 lbs. I am an emotional eater and definitely crave carbs. Since I've retired last March I have gained even more weight. I have the time now to exercise and eat healthy but I also have the time to snack more. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to. I've been to a nutritionist so I know what I'm supposed to do. I've tried exercising but everything time I try something new my body hurts.

If anyone would like to struggle through this journey with me or give me some tips to succeed I would really appreciate it.
Jis4Judy responded:
Hi Sk8rmom about the exercise if you are not used to exercise ease into it do 10 minutes at a time maybe 3 times a day much better and this avoids injury ..
increase the time and effort when you feel stronger
and about the eating start in the grocery store do not buy the foods you should avoid .. that way if it isn;t available you cannot eat it ...
My plan focused on nutrition and I used a site called
to log my foods and monitor the nutrition if I was low on a nutrient I would seach the net for foods whith that particuliar nutrient and on the list there was usually something that I was willing to eat
I am kinda fussy .. the site also can monitor calories and exercise
Hope something in here helps
Hugs Judy:)
Sw 247 Cw 153ish

remember the gold isn;t in the prize it is in the journey!
life may not be the party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance!
Sk8trmom replied to Jis4Judy's response:
Thanks for the encouragement Judy.

Great tip about the exercise...I usually try to do too much at once thinking that it will benefit me more.

As for the grocery shopping...I've tried to just buy what I'm supposed to eat but sometimes it's hard with other people in the household. I also sometimes crave something so bad that I will actually just go out and buy it and eat when nobody is around especially when I'm emotional. Not a good thing.

I'm going to try and start using the food log through webmd to see where I'm going wrong.

All in all I know what I'm supposed to do it's just hard sticking to it. I'm hoping this time it will be a lifestyle change for good.
Jis4Judy replied to Sk8trmom's response:
Hi there I started my new life style change almost 9 years ago and I am still doing it the thing to remember is we are all not perfect and sometimes slip up so just get back on track as soon as possable try to limit the damage by the craveing
I did have to suffer through some very vivid craveings the first year they involved icecream so I had to make plans for that particuliar food , so I made a deal with myself that if I stayed on my healthy plan for 1 month I could then go to an ice cream shoppe and have 1 serving . the thing is I still cannot buy it in the grocery because I am an addict with icecream.
that deal took away the deprived feeling and I had some way of getting my addiction fed limited damage .
I think when we say never again we get too overwhelmed with
the craveings . I think it is sometimes called delayed gratification ..
Hugs Judy:)
Sw 247 Cw 153ish

remember the gold isn;t in the prize it is in the journey!
life may not be the party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance!
brunosbud replied to Sk8trmom's response:
"...I've tried to just buy what I'm supposed to eat but sometimes it's hard with other people in the household..."

...So, is that to say, what's unhealthy for you is OK for your children or husband to eat?

I know you didn't mean that...

But, that statement is a classic freudian slip: you wrote what you sub-consciously feel...that is, if you were not overweight, you would continue to over indulge in unhealthy eating.

I'm familiar with this type of thinking. I'm an addict...

"...I eat...when I'm emotional..."

So, does this imply that people who do not overeat are unemotional? Or, once you lose the weight, you will no longer feel anger, frustration or humiliation?

I know what you mean...When things get stressful and exhausting, you turn to ice cream, chips or sourdough bread. The hiding, the "sneaking-off and being alone" when you abuse is very important.

I can relate...I'm an addict.

I'm glad you posted. Not to criticize but because we share the exact same challenge: How to stop.

Before everything else, you have to know you can stop. There can be no ambivalence. If there is, you cannot be vigilant and ever mindful of the danger of abuse...

Hey, everyone drives over the speed limit on the freeway. If everyone else is doing it, why not?

RoseLynn02 responded:
Try having a small healthy snack before you go to the grocery store. That might help you from buying stuff you shouldn't have. If your hungry when you shop you just want everything, or at least I do. Also, if you're not buying unhealthy foods like junk foods then they wont be there for anyone else to eat either, & the you don't have to be tempted to stray while watching hubby eat your favorite snack. If you need more support from hubby then try talking to him & explaining how much it means to you to have him jump on board with you & how being overweight, although he loves you as you are, is dangerous & can take years of your life from you. As far as being an emotional eater or eating when board...I know it's hard but you just have to find something else to do during those times. Try going for a walk to get rid of your frustrations or reading a new book when you board. On your "my body hurts" statement, if you're doing more exercise than you body can handle then you're doing more harm than good. Slow it down a bit. You will still make progress. Make sure you are alternating on your exercises, do cardio one day & muscle toning the next....something like that. Just a few ideas. Hope that helps...& of course good luck.
RoseLynn02 replied to brunosbud's response:
Brunosbud the point is to be supportive. Not to read into peoples online comments & insinuate that they said something other than what they did. Then you're turning around &
being hurtful. You can;t always apply what you learned as an addict to other peoples issues, even though over eating can be viewed as an addiction. I very highly doubt that she isn't concerned about her husband & child's eating habits, more that she is focused on her own at the moment. & I'm not even sure how you got to the conclusion that being an emotional eater means that she thinks her negative emotions will go away after loosing weight or that people who don't over eat aren't emotional. I think you are kind of pushing it there. I think you should try to do more positive reinforcing than negative. How would you like it if some one ate apart(no pun intended) everything you said & completely turned it into something else? I doubt you would be too fond of there help. Just a thought, because you did say not to criticize although in essence that's a lot of what you're doing from the looks of it. Anyway, you just might want to reconsider how you approach people & there issues when give advice. Even in AA & NA they list 2 positives before giving a negative.
brunosbud replied to RoseLynn02's response:
"How would you like it if some one ate apart(no pun intended) everything you said & completely turned it into something else?"

You're right, roselynn02, I wouldn't...

But, now, that you've dissected my words and concluded that my message was "in essence" critical and hurtful, might there be a possibility that you "twisted" my meaning into something it's not?...

No need to respond...

I apologize, just the same. To you and, most especially, to sk8trmom. I am sorry.

I'm sure the "tips" you've provided, today, are, unquestionably, stone -cold winners based on your experience. You are convinced they will work. And, that's a good thing. That is positive.

From my perspective, my advice to sk8trmom was equally heartfelt...

I, personally, will not have another drink because,
  1. I've learned and experienced how alcohol can destroy my life, and...
  2. I know that alcohol abuse is a dysfunctional place that I can never re-visit.
In other words, I'm committed to never drinking, again. I'm fully vested. I'm "all in".

This thought process was necessary for me so I could stop and remain forever vigilant and mindful to never drink, again...

...or smoke, again...

...or over-eat, again...

roselynn, I'm not arguing. I'm not interested in changing your mind, either. My apology stands.

But, good or bad, that's what I believe.

No more, no less than you...
Sk8trmom replied to Jis4Judy's response:
Hi Judy,

Once again, thank you for the words of advice. My usual craving is for buttered popcorn or smartfood. They are my weakness. I agree that I should not eliminate it completely from my life because it just makes you want it more. I will try to limit it to once a month as a "treat". Unfortunately I made some tonight while watch the DWTS finals.

Tomorrow is a new day to get back on track!
Sk8trmom replied to RoseLynn02's response:
Hi RoseLynn02,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. Sometimes I just need to hear it again. I will try to incorporate your ideas into my lifestyle change. Just being able to talk to people that can relate to a weight problem is nice.
Sk8trmom replied to brunosbud's response:
Thank you all for your knowledge. I appreciate everyone's advice. I understand that we all have different situations but in the end our main goal is to be healthy and life a happy life.

I enjoy just being able to have these discussions with people that understand.
brunosbud replied to Sk8trmom's response:
Cool. Thank you for understanding, sk8trmom. Congrats on your retirement! Now, you have a new job...Leading your family to better health. Great success to you and yours, Happy Thanksgiving
RoseLynn02 replied to brunosbud's response:
My "tips" ,as you so eloquently put it, are just options. That's it, just options. Different things work for different people & having different options to consider & try to see what works best can be nice. Also, no need to apologize to me, her however perhaps, but that's ultimately up to her. I think what you have done for yourself in your life with your addictions in the ways you have done them for yourself is amazing. Not everyone can face addiction & over come it, no matter what the addiction is. Not that you need to hear from me or that my thoughts on it should matter to you, but I really honestly do think it's great. It takes a tough person to face addiction of any kind & win the battle. My only issue was that perhaps you should re-evaluate how you come at people when giving your opinions. You come off harsh & if you were giving me advice in that way I honestly wouldn't listen to the positive points you do have to share, cause there are positive points clearly, but focus on the harshness. All I was trying to say is that you might have a better chance of really helping people with the good opinions you do have if you tried putting it a little differently. I didn't demand you did so either, I simply asked you to consider my opinion. Regardless, it's your choice. Good day & good luck in the rest of your endeavors.
RoseLynn02 replied to Sk8trmom's response:
Hope something there might help you some.
That's all. You're more than welcome. & good luck in your weight loss journey. I agree. It is nice to have others to talk to that are facing the same or similar situations & see what has helped them.
Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, FACP responded:
Hi and thanks for your posting. Welcome aboard our wonderful community. In reading your original posting, there are red flags you'll have to deal with in your journey. When I wrote Fight Fat after Forty, I noted that women like you who are entering the perimenopause (after 40) do indeed struggle even more, as it becomes easier to gain weight, especially around the middle (what I call the Menopot).

I get the feeling that you're depressed or down about things in your life. Why are you saying your husband is enabling your weight gain? What is the meaning of your life now that you are retired? What are you doing with yourself? What gives you joy and what drives you with passion to do something meaningful in your life? You say you just need someone to talk to. Where are your friends or support system?

You say you are an emotional eater. In my book I talk about stress-eating and why stressed spelled backwards is desserts! I asked the other questions about your husband and meaning in your life because until these issues are better resolved, you'll keep stirring up Toxic Stress which pushes you to stress overeat.

I always say that as you remove mental weight, the physical weight comes off naturally.

Start with small steps--- get up and walk 10 mins here 10 mins there. Your body aches from disuse. Be patient and also be kind to yourself.

Log onto the WebMD Food and Fitness Planner and get started on your healthy habits journey. Clean out the junk in your kitchen and get going with whole foods. Nourish, don't anesthetize, yourself with food.

Lots of things to think about. We're here to help you in any way we can. So hang in there and let's keep the discussion going.

Dr. Peeke

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