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sick of being treated hateful and judgemental by doctors
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An_249469 posted:
Yes, doctors are judgemental and half of them are fat and yet, I say nnothing to them about their weight. I don't come in for a lecture about my weight when I go to a dermatologist for roscea and for cancers, and melanoma cancers also. Weight has nothing to do with that. When removing one of my moles, she made a smart remark about weight and was rude to say the least. IF we had someone to listen to our problems and not dismiss us,maybe we wouldnt feel depressed and gain weight even though we are NOT eating as much as you think. They only time I could lose weight after I hit 50 was when I had my knee replacement and ate popsicles for 3 weeks and ended up having a blood transfusion. I lost 32 pounds and all because of NOT eating at all. THat is not healthy either. I have done all I can do. Even when you gto a therapist for depression, they comment on your weight, when you havent even said one thing about it. Your reason for being there was not about your weight or not even weight related. I get so sick of this, When people suffer and they know their own bodies, they know what they are doing and not doing and you can check blood work and other things to verify this, then LISTEN to them and stop judging them. So what if the knee replacement looks good on an x-ray. The swellling is coming from somewhere and the whole side is swelling so ther4e is something wrong. When you cant exercise and water aerob.ics bothers you something is wrong. Try listening to your patients and stop having tunnel vision when you see their big fat body coming your way. I can tell right off when I get a fat hater....
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brunosbud responded:
From the looks of it, in the battle between you and your doctors, it appears you're winning.

From my perspective, everyone has the power to transform their life for the better. But, it often requires a leap of faith to do so.
 
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Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, FACP responded:
Hi and thanks for your posting. Your anger, frustration and hurt are all palpable. And I know a legion of folks out there can identify with your experience and your feelings as well. There is no place in the healing arts for judging. There is only a role for supportive care giving. Here are some thoughts:

1) All members of the healing arts must walk the talk. It is hypocritical to tell someone to do something you're not doing. That being said, people are on different parts of their journey. What is the expectation of nurses, doctors, physical therapists etc? Should they be athletic and reed thin? Of course not. When you see someone, you don't know where they are on their own journey. A pt of mine told me she just got a new physician, a heavy set woman doctor who happened to share with her that she's spent the past two years shedding 100 pounds and is continuing the journey, sharing pictures and inspiration and good knowledge. Appearances can be deceiving. That's why it's so often helpful to share one another's stories when it's appropriate. This doc was a primary care physician supporting my pt's full care and therefore issue of body composition were appropriately discussed in a caring and sharing way. The bottom line for my brethren is that they need to be practicing what they teach, walking the talk.

2) Doctors, nurses etc are human beings who are heavily influenced by the media and the "thin is best" culture out there. That's not an excuse. It's a fact. Thus, they need sensitivity training to stop the judging and start the care giving for a royal win win.

3) Health care providers have always been torn about their own frustrations with people engaging in behaviors and habits they have been taught are harmful not only to themselves but to others--- smoking, alcohol and drug abuse. Overeating and obesity fall within that category as well. They know the statistics and consequences related to the medical conditions that can happen and are often quite fervent about making sure you know as well. Their frustration can sometimes lead to tough love kind of statements that can come off as harsh. This is a daily challenge for anyone in the healing arts profession.

4) Your own feelings are on the edge because it's not just doctors, but people throughout your life who are judging. When you walk down the street, or at work, there are those who judge you for your appearance. You yourself said you can spot a "fat hater" right away. Your whole life is permeated with this kind of treatment. The doctor's comments can easily set you off because you're already hurting and sensitive.

There's a nifty little book called The Four Agreements by Ruiz. It's been around forever. I would so highly recommend you either read it or listen to the audiobook. It's wonderful. It speaks to judging others and more. Gift yourself with this for the holidays.

If you do want to help yourself be the best you can be, as we all do, you know this community is here for you to support you in any way we can.

Let us know your thoughts,

Dr. Peeke
 
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FrancesKuffel replied to Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, FACP's response:
Sometimes the patient has to be the sensitivity lesson.

It's no use blowing up at people because they will only hear rage, not the words. If you have to write a script to take in with you in order not to get the whole go-around, do so.

At my heaviest, I kept begging my internist to refer me to a hospital treatment plan. As we went through the exam, everything she said was related to my weight. I would repeat my request, getting more tight-lipped each time. Finally I said, "Well, that's what I'm here for: to get help with my weight."

With a huge sigh, she wrote me a referral.

Later, when I went in for my physical as I approached a normal body weight, she confessed she had issues with food, too. THAT was when I wanted to scream. Had she said that when I was fat, I would have been so much more open to her.

You can also buy your own blood pressure cuff and gown so that you don't have to go through that humiliation.

Stick with the people who get what you're saying -- come back & talk more!


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