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Weight disgusting!!
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Jayne4694 posted:
My husband and I went over to where my daughter's wedding is going to be and discuss a few more things. Then we found out that they were going to have there last band tonight. I don't like social situations so I kind of go and sit and look. My husband loves to dance. He tried all night long to get me to dance, but I didn't want to compete with the 21 year olds, so skinny and small. I remember when I got married and was 5'7 and weight 155. I was happy with that weight. Now I'm 5'7 and 237lbs. I'm so embarrased of my weight. That's why I wouldn't dance tonight. Didn't want anybody looking at me and saying look at that fat old lady. I am trying to lose weight. I don't overeat, I don't eat enough. My meds made me gain the weight. It makes it harder to get off. What I want to know is how I can love myself until I can get back to my normal weight. I'm always telling my husband go with out me I'll stay home. Some time he does and sometime he doesn't.
Jayne
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Louise_WebMD_Staff responded:
You aren't competing with the skinny 21-year-olds. You are showing your love for your husband and for yourself when you dance with him.

Go out, be brave, don't assume everyone's thoughts are about you and your weight. They all are thinking their own things, have their own troubles, their own issues.

Ban "fat old lady" from your vocabulary. Don't say those words. Don't think those words. Tell people in your household to cut it out if they do.
 
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irisheyes213 responded:
Jayne

It stinks that you are struggling with this. I hope that you find a way to enjoy the time with your husband no matter what weight you are. One way that I have been overcoming my own personal image issues is the "Fake it Until you Make it" philosophy. I can pretend to love myself so that I can go out and enjoy moments like those with my husband. By the time I get out there and am dancing or hiking or whatever the activity is, the reality sets in that noone else is judging me.

Good luck and I hope that you get some dancing in with your husband soon. It is good exercise
 
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justmejust replied to Louise_WebMD_Staff's response:
Don't say those words. Don't think those words. Tell people in your household to cut it out if they do."
Great advice for me as a parent of three teens too, thanks!
GW 145 / CW 219 Laura - Getting healthy is about progress, not perfection.
 
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jis4judy responded:
Hi Jayne , that kind of thinking is so self destuctive it is hard to respond... I have been there myself and I wasted about 8 years of my life avoiding seeing others ..I became agrapohobic and couldn;t go outside for a while and believe me you don't want to have to over come that obstacle...
You are not competeing when you dance with your hubby you are just enjoying your time together,.,Like Deb mantioned fake it till you make it ,,treat yourself as you would treat others ...
be your own best friend ..
Hugs Judy:)
SW 247 CW 153ish maintaining Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
 
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Marci320 replied to jis4judy's response:
Jayne, your life is not all about how you look. You sound as though you have a loving husband and family, and you should be celebrating your daughter's marriage rather than focusing on yourself. Try looking in the positive things in your life and cherish those things. Losing those things is what led me to gain weight in the first place. Things like death of friends and family, and divorce led me to a weight of 350 after weighing 150 for years. However, I never stopped living my life. I was still team mom, worked in the PTA and school, was on the Little League Board, sang in my church choir, and even did some plays with my son. If people were thinking I was too fat to participate, I didn't hear about it. What is funny is that I now weigh 226, a weight close to yours, and I am absolutely thrilled to be at that weight. I have taken up salsa dancing, love to exercise, and although I'm not done losing weight yet, I look in the mirror and like what I see for the first time in a long time. To you my weight is disgusting number; to me, it is a miracle that I weigh that again.

Don't wait to live your life. One of my best friends was overweight all of her life. She finally had gastric bypass surgery and on the day of the surgery they found out she had Stage 4 cancer in her kidney, pancreas, and lung. The one thing she regretted was putting her life on hold because of her due her weight. Love yourself now. Enjoy your life as you make changes to get healthy and fit rather than just thin. And you are not 21 anymore, and you are never going to be able to compete with a girl that age so don't even try.

Anyway, I'm sorry if my words seem too strong, but your post really hit a nerve with me.
 
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justmejust responded:
I think something like a third of Americans are overweight, so we have a lot of company. There is much more to who we are than our weight. What things do you enjoy? You are a wife and a mother. Celebrate these things.

My mom used to say when I was in high school, no one is looking at you on the dance floor because they are all worried just like us about being looked at too, instead of watching us! And who cares anyway, it's wether we are having fun, even if someone bothers to look!

You can love yourself by accepting that your medicines have been the source of your weight gain and prevent you from losing. Accept yourself where you are now and focus your energy on being grateful that you are mentally and physically as healthy as you are right now.

A friend told me that tricks of gratitude are where to start- like, I have 2 eyes to see with, or 2 legs that I can walk on, etc.

And someone said it here, and I have practiced it til it worked, "fake it til you make it" Look at yourself in the mirror every day and tell yourself you love yourself, even if you don't believe it, because then in time you will actually believe it! It worked for me! (Probably could do more of that again!)

Thanks for sharing, and keep posting! Hugs!!
GW 145 / CW 219 Laura - Getting healthy is about progress, not perfection.
 
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jean4u replied to justmejust's response:
Marci,

Thanks for sharing. I have to respond, You just never know, what is out there to afect your life.

Do I dance, HELL YES. I am 65 and that brings me pleasure and friends. Are all the people who dance perfect, NO, they are people!

GO dance!!!!.
 
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jis4judy replied to jean4u's response:
Hi Jayne I saw this episode of the doctors on tv today and the theme was thinking possitive they said it takes the same amount of energy to focus on negative stuff as it does to focus on possitive so why not stay possative ,,it feels better and helps you to take steps to help your self ..
Hugs Judy:)
SW 247 CW 153ish maintaining Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
 
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blondie454u responded:
You've already have gotten some great advice so all I'm going to say is that I agree with everyone else and you should be thnking positive. Instead of constrating on what everyone else is thinking. You are there for your daughter and to have good time for her.
Amber CW 129-132 maintaining, SW 250. Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
 
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Louise_WebMD_Staff replied to justmejust's response:
I use them on my teens too. A lot.
 
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Jayne4694 replied to Louise_WebMD_Staff's response:
I don't even know where to find a dress to fit me . I think I would wear a 20-22. Nothing around me I guess I will have to try and find some store or something on line.
 
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jis4judy replied to Jayne4694's response:
Hi Jayne there are stores that specialize in larger sizes
Lane bryant Romans these are 2 that I am aware of..
Hugs Judy:)
SW 247 CW 153ish maintaining Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
 
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irisheyes213 replied to Jayne4694's response:
You could try David's Bridal. They carry Mother of the Bride's dresses and they have women's sizes. Catherines or Avenue might have something for the event. JC Penney's also has some more formal dresses and they have women's sizes as well.
 
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jean4u replied to irisheyes213's response:
I just re-read all the above posts, and I agree with all!

Count your blessings, TODAY! YOU are what you are TODAY!

You can only start your improvement plan today. NO "Should of would of club" here. Enjoy your health. AND do try to work at improving it TODAY!

PLEASE be glad that you are here to see you child's wedding. It is THEIR day!


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