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    Darned if you do; darned if you don't
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    abnersmom posted:
    Hi all, Happy November! I hate that I haven't been able to keep up with you gals as much lately.

    Now, for my vent, which I'm very much aware is a good problem to have, but... I got my nails done on Fri. where I've gone for years. One of the gals who has worked there for years, greeted me with, "I was watching you walk in and you don't look good. You have lost too much weight too fast and you don't even look like yourself." I was taken aback, but recovered immediately and told her that I feel great and I've been on this journey for a year and a half. Because I was a little bit peeved, I also told her that I didn't care what she thinks (I used some other choice words in there, but that is the gist of it).

    As I reflected on this, I thought, you know, you can't win, someone is always going to be critical of you and you just have to be who you are and do what you need to do for you.

    I shared this because I think it is a perfect example of how we need to be kind and encouraging to one another no matter what shape, size, political party, religion, etc., etc. There is NEVER a good reason to be unkind - I wish I had responded in a different way now. Part of my journey is to be more spiritual and responding from a place of anger is not a good thing. Still learning and growing - just glad that I'm not growing in my hips, etc. anymore!
    Debbie SW 265 CW 153.8 GW 150 - To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. Helen Keller


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    jis4judy responded:
    Oh Debbie that must have been a shock to you .I am amazed at how many people think our weight is any of their business.
    I have had so many comments unasked for over the last 9 years.
    Not one however ever said I didn;t look like myself
    I have seen your photos and you look marvelous
    Maybe some peole don;t know how to be kind only critical .
    Hugs Judy:)
    SW 247 CW 149ish maintaining

    Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
    life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

     
    avatar
    Mandy29 responded:
    This person you speak of must have never been 265 lbs and felt it like you used to or like I do now. You are truly an inspiration to me.
    SW-265 GW-185
    The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
    - Maureen Dowd
     
    avatar
    totallywiggedout responded:
    Debbie, I'm sorry that you had to run into one of "those" people. You were right to get emotional and give her a ripe retort. Perhaps she will be more aware of how she says things to people from here on.
    Some people just don't THINK before they say things.
    That said, I want to play Devil's Advocate now.
    I want you to take a picture from your Heavy Days and really look at your skin and hair in that pic. Then look long and hard at yourself in a mirror in decent light.
    When we diet, we lose some of the elastins in our skin, and the change in fats tends to make us look a little sallow and our hair sometimes dries up and gets more flyaway.
    DID she see something that was maybe worrisome that she just couldn't keep to herself? Be honest with yourself. If you need to up the red meats for dinner a couple of times a week, then do it. If you need some coconut oil in your diet or more fatty oils get into some fattier nuts as snax.
    Losing weight is great. But if we don't look good after reaching our goals, something's off.
    It may take nothing more than one of those gray rinses that perk up gray hair to make the difference in the "looks" of your skin. My mom did those a few times and they definitely made her washed out color seem healthier.
    I don't want you to think i'm mean for saying that, but sometimes it takes a total stranger to open our eyes to what really is right there to see.
    huggs
    k
    Kim SW 243 CW 182.6 GW 135

    If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

    What doesn't kill us makes us stronger---Friedrich Nietzche








     
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    jean4u responded:
    DEBBIE,

    I'm really glad you posted this blog. I think you ran into one of the "haters", people who are a bit jealous of what you have or were able to accomplish. Sometimes we feel that people share our positive and kind thoughts or actions, this simply is NOT so. The younger generation uses this term, "haters", all the time. Actually it turns out that understanding the psychology of it, makes it good that you have haters, you know that you have something of value (for whatever reason) that they noticed.

    In this process of your creating a new life, noboday ever said we will have positive people all the time. I think it does take us aback, though, when negativity comes from a place of comfort.

    I love that comment "you don't even look like yourself anymore". Perfect, because it just adds credence to the hard work that you are making progress in your creation of a new YOU!!! WTG!!

    BTW, don't you just love how I can turn a negative into a positive!

    Bring on the HATERS!

    Barb
     
    avatar
    abnersmom replied to jis4judy's response:
    Thanks Judy, Mandy and Barb. Your support is much appreciated.

    Kim, I'll let you be the judge. This was taken a couple of weekends ago when I visited my handsome grandsons - in the harsh sunlight and everything!

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=3762205254072&set=a.2545860326209.2114542.1244793089&type=1&theater
    Debbie SW 265 CW 153.8 GW 150 - To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. Helen Keller


     
    avatar
    blondie454u replied to abnersmom's response:
    I think you look great! Some people are just jealous. I get comments like that all the time.
    Amber CW 135 maintaining, SW 250. Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of a mental illness.
     
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    abnersmom replied to blondie454u's response:
    Thanks Amber. You look awesome too and I'm so happy for you and your fiance!!
    Debbie SW 265 CW 152 GW 150 - To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. Helen Keller


     
    avatar
    totallywiggedout replied to abnersmom's response:
    won't let me view it

    huggs
    k
    Kim SW 243 CW 182.6 GW 135

    If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

    What doesn't kill us makes us stronger---Friedrich Nietzche








     
    avatar
    jis4judy replied to totallywiggedout's response:
    here it is Kim
    SW 247 CW 149ish maintaining

    Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
    life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

     
    avatar
    lost815cm responded:
    I have gotten comments like that too. When I was a teen and my weight was fluctuating, my cousin told me I looked better fatter! She had anorexia issues and I think she didn't want me to be thin so she looked more skinny. A distant cousin of my husband told me he expected my hubby to be with a skinny blond, not me. My aunt once told me that I should do my hair or wear makeup and to dress differently to match my appearance (I was wearing a tshirt and jeans). People are always going to talk trash. You're always going to be judged no matter what bad or good you do. So just be happy!
    Catelyn SW 276 CW 250 GW 150

    "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different...." ~C.S. Lewis
     
    avatar
    blondie454u replied to abnersmom's response:
    Thank you! I am finally truly happy!
    Amber CW 135 maintaining, SW 250. Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of a mental illness.
     
    avatar
    totallywiggedout replied to jis4judy's response:
    Thanks Judy.... well jeez Louise, Debbie, you do look very good. You have good color, your face isn't sunken at all and your eyes are bright.... hmmmm, ok So the bee-och was just a HATER, lol.
    Seriously though, you look happy and healthy. So you have done really well all the way around, Debbie.
    You know, though, I actually went into walmart looking for Grey hair products, why on Earth are there no grey hair colors or even brighteners or anything on the market??? For God's sake they can mix any color under the sun but they cant do ONE grey hair one?? It doesn't make sense. How do ppl like Jamie Curtis keep their greys so great looking ? It's not like you can have highlights and lowlights if they don't even manufacture anything for greys.....
    Weird. No wonder there are so many elderly ladies out there with Pink Mink or Blue rinsed hair. Now I feel sorry for them more than I used to.
    huggs
    k
    Kim SW 243 CW 182.6 GW 135

    If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

    What doesn't kill us makes us stronger---Friedrich Nietzche








     
    avatar
    abnersmom replied to jis4judy's response:
    Thanks Judy. I couldn't get it to post this way. Thanks Kim and Catelyn. We all have to deal with hurtful remarks, I know. And Kim, I am happier and healthier than I've been in years! Life is good.
    Debbie SW 265 CW 152 GW 150 - To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. Helen Keller


     
    avatar
    jean4u replied to jis4judy's response:
    Thanks JUDY! DEBBIE you look GREAT now and the thing is it just gets better the longer you keep the weight stable.

    BTW, your Grandsons are handsome young men. Aren't you soo glad for health reasons you are on this journey.

    Keep up the good work.

    Barb


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