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Tomato
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abnersmom posted:
Hi Tomato, Hope you are lurking out there. Just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts. Take good care of yourself, my friend.
Debbie SW 265 CW 151 GW 150 - To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. Helen Keller


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totallywiggedout responded:
Me tooo!!!! HIIIIII TOMATO!!!! come visit us soon, hope all's well
huggs
k
Kim SW 243 CW 180.4 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

The Habits that Live are the Ones We Feed.---fellow blogger








 
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jis4judy replied to totallywiggedout's response:
Me too Tomato How are you and what have you been up to?
SW 247 CW 149ish maintaining

Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

 
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blondie454u responded:
Same here Tomato!
Amber CW 135 maintaining, SW 250. Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of a mental illness.
 
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Tomato05 responded:
Thank you all! Friends like you will help me pull through my crisis!

I am lurking from time to time; just have a lot to do (e.g. sort out a lifetime of household stuff!), and my job hunt is taking up most of my time. I apply for jobs literally daily.

I am still without work, money is getting very tight. The Philanderer seems to have got a great job opportunity in another country that will be well-paid. Why do the wicked get on in life, while some who try to lead a decent life get downtrodden?! I have deep worries and a raging unease/despair about my future: no income, no pension, soon no home, no family in the same country!

I just try to live each day with as much dignity as I can. I really don't know what will become of me.

Weight has not been my main priority, but my weight is staying stable. I was hoping that the trauma would have helped me to lose weight, but embarrassingly, I still eat like before! I still go to the gym at least (it is paid until May, thank goodness).

I hope you are all on a good path eating-wise and in other ways!

Thanks again for thinking of me. It helps a lot and makes me feel less alone.
 
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mefirstforever replied to Tomato05's response:
Hi Tomato,
I'm so glad that Debbie and the girls have brought you back.
Did you try your friends for referral. It is easier to get a job true recommendation. There are always opening in Government or hospitals for clerical or administrative work.

Tomato you will make it !!! You are a woman and women are strong. Glad you are going to the Gym.
Hugs
Helene
Helene GW 140 CW 198.2 SW 224
Every day is a gift do your best, be kind including to yourself and smile.
 
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totallywiggedout replied to Tomato05's response:
Where are your family members, Tomato?? Perhaps it's time to consider a big move yourself, huh? I mean, why the hell not at this point, you've nothing to lose and everything to gain. That would include having more family members as moral, if not monetary support during this time of crisis.
It may not be much, but do you have an elderly aunt or someone that is trying to live at home and stay out of a facility?? Maybe you could "work" for that person as a part time caregiver for room and board. Sometimes just having a person around "just in case" makes all the difference in the world to the mobile elderly.
Helene suggests government or hospitals, how about Hospice care for the terminally ill, or filing in vet offices, eyeglass offices or dental offices.....All you need is something to get on your feet and feel better about yourself and your abilities.
I always liked home health care. That whole one on one thing with the relaxed atmosphere of the clients home.... it just made the job seem more like a visit with a friend. Especially if you get ones that like board games , word games and getting out socially, cause, they take you with them!
huggs
k
Kim SW 243 CW 180.4 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

The Habits that Live are the Ones We Feed.---fellow blogger








 
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jean4u replied to Tomato05's response:
Tomato,

I am getting ready for a road trip and will be gone for about one month, so not a regular poster. I caught this thread and had to respond.

You have been such a thoughtful, valuable member of this board. It really is difficult to see you going through this tough time. My "Ex, aka The Cheater", also got a great job after he got fired. I'm not sure how "they" do this, but "they" do.

Just get through this one day at a time. Remember you are not alone and often in our thoughts, here. Also, it is important to know THERE IS LIFE AFTER DIVORCE..........and it can be quite nice, maybe not what you had before, but in some ways even BETTER!

Barb
 
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abnersmom replied to Tomato05's response:
So good to hear from you, Tomato, despite your worrisome TEMPORARY circumstances. Post when you can and let us know how things are going. We are all rooting for you!
Debbie SW 265 CW 151 GW 150 - To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. Helen Keller


 
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jis4judy replied to Tomato05's response:
Hi Tomato I am praying you find a good job so you can be confident in your future , I admire your abilty to keep as much of your dignity as possable.. I also think it is normal to feel vulnerable when you lose somone you thought were your partner for life and more like grief after a loved one passes. It sure isn;t easy . so glad your weight is stable under stressfull cercumstances that in itself is a miracle.
do check on once in a while I miss your posts
is there anyway you could relocate ? to someplace near family
Hugs Judy:)
SW 247 CW 149ish maintaining

Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

 
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Tomato05 replied to jis4judy's response:
So much moral support, I am so lucky to have each and every one of you on my side! I feel rich even though I am now poor!

At the moment I am staying put where I am - my family are in South Africa, where jobs are just as scarce, and social benefits are near-zero. I am not a South African citizen any more either.

I'll just keep plugging away at my job search, which is really time-consuming.

Wonder where I'll be and what I'll be doing next year this time...

Have a great trip, Barb - rest and relax properly.

Oh, and I've lost a pound!
 
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totallywiggedout replied to Tomato05's response:
"A Pint's a Pound, the World Around". Congratulations on your lb loss ! What I could never figure out was how , if a pint is only a lb, then why the heck you GAIN more than a lb if you eat a pint of icecream.... I suppose the question rates right up there with "How Many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop"..... The World may NEVER know!
lol.
Keep your chin up about the job search. Something will break soon for you, I'm sure.
In the meantime, search out women's support groups or divorce support groups at area churches and such. Finding local support from people that are going through the same things, can also open doors for work opportunities or ideas from the other group members.
huggs
k
Kim SW 243 CW 180.4 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

The Habits that Live are the Ones We Feed.---fellow blogger








 
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Tomato05 replied to totallywiggedout's response:
A pound (lost) is a blessing, the world around, Kim, that's all I know!

You are so right, I need to build a social network. I can only benefit from that. I will start with that this very week! Thanks for reminding me about that important factor.

New complication: husband is refusing to sell the house! He says it can be done later (after the settlement, once the house market is better) - I won't fall into that trap. Once the papers are signed, there is no guarantee of a fair share when the house gets sold one day. He is SCHEMING.

Now I have to try and get legal advice on this issue too, as if the situation is not complicated enough. One can apparently try to get a court to order him to sell, but I first have to figure out how to convince the court!

Does anyone know if one can force a spouse to sell in case of a divorce?? I'll be grateful for any advice...

Have a healthy 2nd last week of November. Let's practise the healthy habits so that they are stronger when temptation comes around during the feasts ahead.
 
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totallywiggedout replied to Tomato05's response:
Ok, Tomato, here's where your divorce dealings get interesting, and can instantly raise your dollar worth. Tell him it's fine if he wants to wait for the housing market to improve, but YOU want your money, NOW. So , if he wants to wait, that's up to him but that he will need to IMMEDIATELY buy out your half of the equity combined with the estimated resale price of the house, in cash, as part of your divorce settlement. Nothing gets finalized until you have your half in hand.
You need to find out EXACTLY how much the equity built up on your house is at this point from your mortgage company, plus what the house's resale value is on market now. Then split it down the middle and tell him you'll settle for not less than half of that. Do the calling/research and get it all on paper, when you called the mortgage co, and a realtor, get it down on paper, the date you got the information and with whom you spoke. Send a copy to your lawyer and keep one for your own records. Don't just let the lawyer handle everything, it's in your best interest to get info for yourself and to save the paperwork, in case you hit a glitch with your lawyer and need to do a switch in representation.
In the meantime, if you are in the house and he isn't, rent a storage unit in a friends name and start getting the big expensive stuff out of the house. Sell it before it gets inventoried. KEEP THAT MONEY in cash somewhere safe and not in your name. Bury it if need be in mason jars. But if it's not inventoried yet, there is NO PROOF that it was in the house at any given time. If you don't NEED it for daily living, sell it and get the money flowing in for yourself. That even means the sofa, if you use a chair most of the time, ok? Everything that can be sold, sell it now,or it'll get split down the middle.
It may seem shady, but wth??? he's gonna screw you bad if you don't defend yourself any way you can and start building for YOUR future. Sounds like he's got his already set in stone.
Screw him and screw him BAD!
I mean this from the bottom of my divorce blackened heart. It's every man for himself here, and if he's keeping the only life preserver, you'd better start building yourself a raft.
huggs
k
Kim SW 243 CW 180.4 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

The Habits that Live are the Ones We Feed.---fellow blogger








 
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abnersmom replied to Tomato05's response:
First, congrats on the lb. lost! I think that it is a real testament to your strength that you haven't turned to food in this stressful time.

Secondly, I wish I knew more about your divorce laws. I know that here in my state, he would HAVE to sell the house or give you half of the resale value (not the appraisal value) in a settlement. I am truly in favor of equal rights laws for women, but in our country it has hurt women in divorce settlements. Women here still only make 75 cents to the dollar versus men and I think settlements should be based on that or at least the difference in the individual couples salaries or wealth. Sigh, we've made great progress in women's rights, but it is still a man's world in many ways. One that comes to mind is how women are judged on their appearance so much more than men.

Finally, your post tells me that you are tough and not going to let him bulldoze you. Also, I love that you are wondering what you will be doing next year! I know that it will be a good place -physically and emotionally. Hats off to you as you handle this situation with courage and character.
Debbie SW 265 CW 151 GW 150 - To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. Helen Keller




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