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    A little self-reflection
    tnmist posted:
    I know I let my low self-esteem interfere with many aspects of my life, and it was only last year that my brain said, "Okay, here is why you are the way you are," and then bombarded me with memories of a horrible childhood. I'm still reeling from information overload and "processing," er, crapola, and I have 2 choices, right? I can either use this info as yet another excuse to not care about my life and wallow in self-pity and gain even MORE weight (gained at least 30 lbs last year) OR I can acknowledge whatever information or reasons for having low self-esteem and depression issues, do the work I need to do to process this stuff (be it journaling, hitting a pillow, crying, whatever), but not let it DEFINE me.

    I acknowledge that I was brainwashed my whole childhood with statements like, "You are good for nothing," and "You are lazy," and now it seems to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, so I really DO have to be my own parent to my inner child and re-wire my thinking if I'm going to have any sort of life. I can love my inner child by taking the reins and CARING about what I nourish her with physically and emotionally.

    Part of my problem is that I just haven't cared enough to do anything differently. But existing this way is the pits, too. Maybe it's time to start caring.

    Okay, well, the day is quickly passing and I haven't done any walking yet, so I'm going to head outside and do what I can until my back can't take anymore. I will also put on my to-do list this week to buy some sort of cane or something to help me walk longer. Can't really do "official" hiking sticks, but I can find SOMETHING out there, I'm sure.

    Ya'll seasoned bloggers here - keep being real and keep getting in our faces.
    Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein
    jis4judy responded:
    Hi Misty although your past was important to form you today is a new day and we cannot change the past accept that it wasn;t good make today better and plan for a fantastic tomorrow . from now on you job is to nourish your body and help it be the best it can be..
    I had a rough past too not as rough as yours my dad used to say to me "young lady get your head out of the clouds and plant those feet squarely on the ground". I was a dreamer and it wasn't allowed in my fathers house...
    Hugs Judy:)
    SW 247 CW 149ish maintaining

    Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
    life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

    tnmist replied to jis4judy's response:
    Thanks, Judy. Well, we need dreamers in the world, so I hope your head-in-the-cloud thinking wasn't entirely squashed.

    I'm regretting this post a bit. I prefer to keep things separate. I'm on another board on WebMD, and that's good enough. This board I just want to focus on the tasks at hand, etc. I will say that the past was unknown to me until last year, so I have had to deal with what came up, unload it from my life backpack, so to speak, in order for me to move on. It's not a matter of dwelling on the past. I'm also in a bit of a grieving process over some things.

    I don't intend for any of this to sound like excuses. I'm kinda sorry I posted it, so maybe I'll just drop it now.

    Thanks for listening.
    Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein
    rachael2011 replied to tnmist's response:
    Good morning Misty. Don't feel sorry for letting stuff go in your posts. There is such a strong connection between our emotional/ mental baggage and how we eat. Your previous posts over the past couple days have really helped me in facing the emotional eating demon and I'm sure it has helped others as well. And for the people who are successfully conquering it (as you will be too!), you helped them see how far they have come.

    abnersmom replied to tnmist's response:
    Sweet Misty, no regrets are allowed on this board. We keep it real and we share every part of our lives. As Rachael says, it is all a part of this journey. You cannot separate what is in your heart from your actions. I admire your courage in sharing your past. It is not an easy thing to share or get over, but you are up to the task and you are worth it! I grew up in a very critical family and it took a long time to get over being overly critical of myself. To this day, I will have a critical thought, but now (after therapy), I catch myself and stop that thought right in its tracks.

    Continue your work on healing your wounds and creating a new "story" for yourself. You are SO worth it.
    Debbie SW 265 CW 150 maintaining - Don't exchange what you want MOST for what you want at the moment.
    totallywiggedout replied to tnmist's response:
    The problem with us is that we, as humans, tend to look at our past experiences as being the foundations on which we build the rest of our lives.
    Let me point out that if the foundation under your house was weak and crumbling, you would jack that house up and REBUILD that foundation. Or you would move to a Better ,Stronger house.
    If our past is making us weak, in order to survive to reach our best and strongest potential, we MUST rebuild. Brick by brick, day by day, we make ourselves stronger by making healthier choices.
    You, Misty, are in the process of rebuilding. Along with the rest of us, you have a dream of a better, stronger YOU.
    All of us has that potential. All we have to do is live up to it.
    Kim SW 252 CW 180.3 GW 135

    If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

    If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill

    jean4u responded:
    MISTY, With "everything" that has occurred in your past, it is a bit of a miracle that you can express yourself so fluently and introspective. Like the others say, we have to dig into our "innerds" before we can really cope with our foods issues.

    BTW, I post things all the time, that I re-think, what did I just say and will the others think whatever but then I know this board better and OK they will get over it. LOL

    I think you hit the nail on the ole head about "a little self-reflection" is needed for all of us. We can all do better but that means we got to do different and that's the difficult part.

    Thanks for making me think and my head hurt! LOL

    tnmist replied to jean4u's response:
    I feel the love. Thanks, everyone...I think I'm just going to be quiet for awhile, though, ha.
    Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein
    blondie454u replied to tnmist's response:
    We are who we are. Our past reflects so many things in our current life. You just realize that you can change it, like you've stated. You are not responsible for your past but you're responsible for your future. Just try to stay on focus on the positive things that you're doing and are going to keep doing.
    Amber CW 135 maintaining, SW 250. Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of a mental illness.

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