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    fell of the wagon last night
    jis4judy posted:
    back on this morning.. went to unreal of my beloved niece
    aand on the way home we stopped for ice cream and I did the unthinkable and ordered a decadent hot fudge sundae. I was unprepared that's why Barb always packs for road trips that's what I should have done . the feelings of grief an hunger combined to take over my mind for the feel good comfort of an old friend that betrayed me in the past ... well back on my journey that detour won't happen again at least not this year . there was about 3 hours of driving to get there about an hour and a half there then a little over 2 hours driving home I was weak in the control part of my mind the worse part is it delighted my husband to see me order it and devour it .. next road trip I am packing healthy snacks /Just like Barb does
    Hugs Judy:)
    SW 247 CW 150ish maintaining

    Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
    life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

    jis4judy responded:
    that was supposed to say funeral Not unreal that is how the day felt though unreal
    Hugs Judy:)
    SW 247 CW 150ish maintaining

    Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
    life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

    jean4u responded:
    Judy, you are grieving and combined with that lengthy car trip, you were placed in a vulnerable place. Sometimes it is the combination of emotions and weariness that will make us weak. Seriously, I don't think any amount of healthy snacks would get you/me through this tough time. When I go on my road trips I am not usually emotionally stressed. But when I was dealing with my house (home of over 30 yrs.) I went through some melancholy days. Sounds like going to that funeral put you back in time....when I would go to my house to work to get it ready to sell, I would go back in time, when we were a happy family and it would set off some melancholia ....depression. A feeling of powerlessness.

    I know you can get through this hard time. You are just being human and need to grieve. I think your husband was happy to see you with the ice cream because he knew you were sad over the loss of your niece and he felt powerless to change that.

    I'm sure you are dealing with the frustration of the niece passing away at only 54. I had a knee appt. yesterday and the doc told me he repaired the knee of a 92 yr. old. The 92 yr. old wanted it done so he could compete better in the senior ice skating (pair) figure skating competitions. He was paired with a gal in her 60's. So, Judy, you had a slip. Going to funerals is like a trip down memory lane....some good thoughts and some painful reflections. My oldest brother passed away in 2012 and I went down "memory lane", too.

    Lately I have been dealing with my "chip demons". Hard to fight when I get tired, late at night. But you know my DH will have them out and about and I got to be strong.....pick myself up . One bad night does not mean I need to repeat. Forgive self and do something positive.

    Sending you a big hug. Talk it out here. You will get through this tough time.

    totallywiggedout replied to jis4judy's response:
    Judy, when I read your post I stuck on the "unreal" . Knew you probably meant funeral, but decided that the "land of Unreal" really was where you went for that very distressing time.
    I'm sorry for your loss.
    You fed a part of your "happier days past" with that sundae. It shouldn't even be considered a slip. It was a hunger that needed to be fed at that time....on the trip between past and present. You were literally in "no mans land" doesn't count.
    Kim SW 252 CW 176.8 GW 135

    If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

    If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill

    jis4judy replied to totallywiggedout's response:
    You know Kim I like that it doesn't count .. want to know something else that's weird I weighed in after breakfast this morning and was down 2 pounds after breakfast so I think that means I didn;t eat enough yesterday over all ..even with that indulgence .. and maybe crying burns calories Hugs Judy:)
    SW 247 CW 150ish maintaining

    Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
    life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

    tnmist replied to jis4judy's response:
    Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein
    mog1026 replied to totallywiggedout's response:
    Oh Judy, I'm with Kim 100 percent! That sundae wasn't a slip and don't you beat yourself up. It was a tool you used to help you through a miserable day. If anybody needed a sundae it was you. Maybe it can be a useful transition for us all if we can take our personal food nemesis and move it through the stage of denial and fear and into a place where it has an occasional use in our lives. If anybody can do that here Judy it is you. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this grief.
    Kathy SW 235.1 CW 207.4. GW 165
    jis4judy replied to mog1026's response:
    Hi Kathy thanks I think as long as I don't make sundaes a habit then I will be fine sometimes it scares me when I revert to old ways of coping with what life tosses my way . this particular niece was very special to me and for some reason it brought back the loss of my mother of all things she has been gone more like 20 years and all of a sudden I was missing her , I am thinking my niece passing around Mothers day and seeing her children suffer brought my old suffering back for my Mother and my niece so it was double grief and fatigue that had me off the wagon ... tomorrow my daughter is coming by to make her famous stir fry for Mothers day that should be fun.
    and healthy
    Hugs Judy:)
    SW 247 CW 150ish maintaining

    Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
    life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

    blondie454u replied to jis4judy's response:
    I am sorry that you slipped but I agree with everyone else. It was a very well deserved slip so don't beat yourself up. I hope you have a great week and you're daughter will help through this rough time.
    Amber CW 135 maintaining, SW 250. Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of a mental illness.

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