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    Current situation
    ladylavender posted:
    I started posting this under Mardee's post but realized it may be better to separate it out.

    How Mardee describes herself echoes my thoughts. I don't post my weight under my name, but I'm 5' 8" and am in the 350s. I'm 48, feel like I'm 80, and am sick of life most of the time.

    Some of you remember I told how my primary care doctor (PCP) suggested gastric bypass, and I don't want to go that route, right? That was his advice. Can you believe it? (I only speak for myself, but that route is not for me, and I know when I do what I'm supposed to do the weight goes down. Please note that everyone has their own path, and I respect everyone's journey on here.) I'm currently looking for a new PCP. When I explained that I didn't want to do that, his reply was, "OK, but at this point you have a LOT of weight to lose." (Well, DUH.)

    Update: Today I stopped by the office of a doctor 2 of my friends recommended and used. However, he is not on my insurance, so I spoke to the office manager and asked if he was taking new patients, and, since he was, could they try to GET on my insurance. He is sort of a specialty doctor, though, in health and wellness, so I'm not sure my insurance carrier will pick him up. Can't hurt to try.

    I had a nice discussion with the office manager who rolled her eyes when I told her what my current PCP wanted me to do, and she gave me a little pep talk...about making healthy choices and making little changes at a time, and that it will take time, but I can get healthier. I about fell apart right there in the lobby 'cuz she touched a nerve. She was so sweet. She said the Dr. was going to be starting up a weight loss program, and I just replied that I will check it out on his website when he gets it going. (But more than likely I can't afford any sort of "program" a doctor has, ha.) I simply want a doctor on board with me regarding whole health and be in my corner and encourage me, 'ya know?

    Those types of doctors can be hard to find, but they are out there. I think he will be one of them. This particular doctor has come up with a compound that he sells that is only about 5 ingredients of supplements that boost dopamine in the brain. It is in capsule form, and the office manager gave me some samples. I remember a couple of the ingredients, like Rodasia (sp?) and L-tyrosine and stuff like that. I recognized the ingredients. I had rattled off to her that, along with the weight loss, I'm fighting depression and PTSD, and she said that raising the dopamine levels will help boost my motivation level to make the right choices. I don't know if I will see any sort of difference just with the samples she gave me but will try them out.

    P.S. My Wellbutrin is in the mail. Should be here in the next couple of days.

    Thanks for listening, everyone.
    Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

    blondie454u responded:
    I wish you good luck. I hope you find what works for you!
    Amber CW 135 maintaining, SW 250. Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of a mental illness.
    totallywiggedout responded:
    YAY! DRUGS ON THE WAY!!!! You are gonna be sooooo HAPPY!
    I'm on a light dose of Zoloft and it has done wonders for my overall levelheadedness.. well, yes, we ALL know how levelheaded I am, but , you know what i mean, lol

    Kim SW 252 CW 177.8 GW 135

    If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

    If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill

    rachael2011 responded:
    This is great news on "finding" the doc AND the med on the way. Good luck w/ everything.
    Rachael...under construction.

    SW 325 CW 291.4 Short term goal-275 Goal weight- unsure
    ladylavender replied to rachael2011's response:
    Amber and Rachel, thank you. I know it sounds like I've run across some sort of quack, but I don't think I have. Can't afford him if my insurance doesn't pull through. Time will tell.

    To Kim, My sis took Zoloft for about a year. Got her past a hump. This is the longest I've gone without an antidepressant in many, many years, it's been over a year now. If I'm ready to get back on them, my therapist understands I'm not in good shape. I've been told that if I fail a trial of being off an antidepressant more than a couple of times (I forget which doctor told me this), then I will have to take them for life. I still hope that when I become a more regular size and am more active, that I can prove that wrong. Right now it is what it is. My therapist compares it to a diabetic needing insulin (like in type 1 diabetes)..If my brain doesn't make what it needs for me to function, hold down a job, etc., then a med of some sort is needed. It just gets old.

    Wow, really didn't intend to share quite that much. Thanks again for everyone's support.
    Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

    mog1026 replied to ladylavender's response:
    Abby, just let us know when we can help. We're always here if you need us with support and advice. It must have been a relief to find someone in a doctor's office who understood what you were looking for.
    Kathy SW 235.1 CW 203.6. GW 165
    ladylavender replied to mog1026's response:
    It was, Kathy. Thanks.
    Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

    justmejust responded:
    Hi Abby,

    Did your Wellbutrin come, and is it helping with your depression? I read through your posts because I missed most of them before. To me your posts seem really upbeat and I was wondering if you feel depressed even when your posts are so thoughtful of others and fun. Plus I agree with everyone else, your doggy photo is so cute!

    How is your food and exercise going? I hope you are doing fine!


    Baby steps, to a healthy lifestyle change. When you change your thoughts you will then change your weight. Getting healthy is about progress, not perfection.
    ladylavender replied to justmejust's response:
    Thank you for asking, Laura, and for your post. I learned a long time ago that if I always come across as depressed I lose friends. No one wants to be around a depressed person all the time, and I can't blame them. I try to keep my "woe-is-me" posts to a minimum and I don't want to turn posts into pity parties. I have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a weepy I'm just super tired.

    The medicine is here. It is sitting on my desk. I haven't started it yet. I'm a bit mad at myself, and I am also trying to get past feeling like a failure in that regard - starting up meds again.

    I'm behind with the mowing and housework, which are my main sources of exercise because I'm having trouble just functioning. I'm just trying to get through tomorrow night and then I have a couple of days off. Honestly, I'm sick of thinking about food and wish I just didn't have to eat at all. Being a food addict, I doubt I could pull that off even if I wanted to. I don't think "anorexia" will ever be a part of my vocabulary.

    As for meal planning, I can do okay with a day or 2, and then I cave and do something stupid, and I don't mean a little something, I mean, "let's eat half a pizza and a pint of ice cream" something.

    Long story short, I'm struggling a lot, but I haven't given up yet.

    Guess that's enough about me to last everyone for a month!

    I see you coming along very well with your meals and things. You go, girl!
    Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

    totallywiggedout replied to ladylavender's response:
    Abby, take your meds. They will help. Don't feel bad or embarrassed or mad about needing to reset your brain. It's just an organic computer, and sometimes they glitch.
    Once you start on the meds you will see that you have , if not more energy, then, more drive to get things done. Mine do that and I'm very thankful for that desire to get up and move that they have given me.
    Depression sucks big time. It's really sad when you have so few days that you are truly happy, that THEY are the ones you notice the most. Instead of saying, wow, I'm really depressed today for some reason(like happy people would notice and say of themselves) you just all of a sudden do a mental hiccup and say "This is strange.... I'm really HAPPY right now". I'm sure you know what I mean. If your "norm" is bleh, a bright spot once a year sticks out like a friggen sore thumb, lol
    Happiness is ALIEN to those who aren't , agree?

    What's nice about the meds is that they just make it easier to BE depressed and still function. You can still walk around wrapped in your comfy, non alien , BOO HOO Blanket but you will be able to mow in it and do your housework in it..... see?
    Yeh, I take Zoloft. I'm not happy about having to have it but I'd rather take it than be catatonically depressed all the time.

    MY BRAIN IS GLITCHY.... I TAKE DRUGS! should be on a tshirt. I 'd buy one, for sure.

    Kim SW 252 CW 177.8 GW 135

    If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

    If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill

    justmejust replied to ladylavender's response:
    Aw, Abby you are so sweet. Hey, I've been on Wellbutrin and another time on lexepro. Both times they helped me through a rough patch. Women are more susceptible to mood issues because of our hormones. Good news for both men and women is often our depression symptoms lessen some after menopause. Mine did, and it's very nice. But just so you know, my depression was mild so I was fortunate in that area. I have other health problems, including mild osteoarthritis in my fingers, disc rupture in low back, a few root canals/crowns, sleep apnea. Healthful diet helps with all (my) health problems, I just need to do it! Plus the sugar I consume is the worst for all my health problems! Imagine that, no surprise there!!! Thank you for the compliment on my menu posts earlier! : D

    Take care Abby! Laura

    Baby steps, to a healthy lifestyle change. When you change your thoughts you will then change your weight. Getting healthy is about progress, not perfection.
    abnersmom replied to ladylavender's response:
    Hi Abby, My Master's is in clinical psychology and I am completely convinced that in the coming years, we shall find that all these issues are not just emotionally based, but chemically as well. I think it takes both therapy and chemicals to get better. It's just a fact. You are among millions of Americans who suffer from depression. Some day soon, I hope there will not be a stigma attached to these life-saving drugs. It is an illness just like pneumonia that needs medication. Take the meds; give them and your precious self a chance.
    Debbie SW 265 CW 150 maintaining - You only live once, so live right. Healthy. Fit. Be active.
    ladylavender replied to abnersmom's response:
    Thank you Kim, Laura, and Debbie. My head knows those things...just one of those times I have to listen to my reasoning and not my feelings. Someone posted recently that feelings are deceiving. That's very true in all areas of life; I've especially been trying to remember that more in my spiritual walk because God thinks each and every one of us is super special, so don't let anyone (even your own feelings) tell you otherwise.

    I know I have a chemical imbalance, and the depression is partially situational, too. I started the Wellbutrin today. I'm wondering if the year off I had will help it to work better again. I had taken it for years, but it just wasn't helping much anymore by the time I tapered off of it last year. I'll know sooner or later, I guess. I couldn't take more of it back then because it caused terrible insomnia. Plus, my mother has a seizure disorder now, and if I have any propensity towards that, I'm cautious about using too much Wellbutrin. If this med doesn't help, then I have to find a specialist (psychiatrist) to advise me.

    Also been taking the samples of something that's supposed to raise the dopamine level in my brain, which is supposed to help motivate me to make better lifestyle choices, but I haven't noticed any difference. I was told it may help within just a few days, and I have just 1 more sample to take tomorrow. Not sure if my skepticism had an effect or not, LOL.
    Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

    SharonNVirginia replied to ladylavender's response:

    As a Cymbalta user, I know what you are talking about. How many antidepressants did i take which didn't work let me count them: paxil, prozac, zoloft and .... brain damage makes me for get...oh yeah elavil which caused me to gain 30 pounds in less than 60 days. Shriekkkkkk.

    Look for positive things you can feel proud of . Before I found cymbalta i could not stick on any kind of food discipline. So I amade a list of things I thought I could stick with for a week.

    Like 8 glasses of water each day this week.

    when I managed that I chose another. When i came up with the ideas they were positive, like the water, or negative like no more than one coke a day. To build up my confidence i did all the positives first.

    8 glasses of water per day
    1 glass of skim milk each meal
    whole wheat bread instead of white bread
    one green salad per day
    2 servings of veg at dinner
    walk no matter how short every day

    It took more than a week for some so it was about 9 weeks before I started the subtraction part. By then, I had a lot more confidence and peace in my heart. I wish the same for you.
    CW 229 SW 229 GW 130
    I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.-Philippians 4:13
    ladylavender replied to SharonNVirginia's response:
    Oh, I know. I've tried NUMEROUS meds over the years which didn't work and/or had horrible side effects. My therapist has a list, but I don't remember which ones anymore...Guess we should dig out that list just in case I have to switch, ha. That's why I wanted to go back to Wellbutrin, because it helped the longest amount of time. Plus, it's one of the few antidepressants that can help me lose weight, and that did happen for me in the beginning. I had forgotten about that part. I think it worked as an appetite suppressant for awhile for me.

    That's one of my fears, too. I certainly don't want a drug that has a common side effect of weight GAIN. Umm, no thanks!

    I try to just do a couple of changes at a time...I haven't been successful for long periods, but I have stopped drinking all soda most of the time and only have a rare soda, mostly because within about 20 mins of drinking soda a lot of my joints will hurt, and they bloat me way more than they used to, so I suspect my kidneys do not like soda, ha.

    Mostly pushing water and being fairly good at not eating too late at night anymore. I think that is helping me more than anything at the moment.

    Thanks for your note.
    Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein


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